


if this is it, at least we can end it right

by nouiiam



Series: where do broken hearts go? [1]
Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: Angry Sex, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bottom Louis, Break Up, Break up sex, Canon Compliant, Cheating, Cheating Harry, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone's sad, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Love Triangles, M/M, Miscommunication, Pining, Sad Harry, Sad Louis, Sad Zayn, Smut, Unrequited Love, fiji, i dont think harry cheated irl fyi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-24
Updated: 2016-03-24
Packaged: 2018-05-28 12:35:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6329416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nouiiam/pseuds/nouiiam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“I need to go somewhere,” Louis exclaims, standing up, brushing the dirt off of his jeans and wiping the tears from his eyes. “Somewhere far away from Harry so I can get my thoughts together without him interfering.” He won’t be able to figure anything out when he knows that Harry's going to be constantly groveling, trying to gain Louis's forgiveness before Louis has a chance to decide what his next step is.  </i>
</p><p>  <i>Zayn stands beside him, leaning his shoulder against the wall and raising an eyebrow. “Somewhere like?” he asks and Louis shrugs, kicking at the ground. He hadn’t exactly gotten that far in his thought process yet. “Well," Zayn continues, straightening his stance, "We’ve got about a day and a half left to do nothing, so if you’re gonna run away, I suggest you do it now.” </i><br/> <br/><i>Louis sighs, turning back towards the hotel. The two of them slowly start to make their way back inside, Zayn trailing behind Louis closely. Back in the elevator, Louis bites his lip and looks over at Zayn, shoving his hands in his pockets and leaning back on his heels.</i></p><p>  <i>“How far is Fiji from here?”</i></p><p>-or, Harry breaks Louis and Zayn's there to pick up the pieces.</p>
            </blockquote>





	if this is it, at least we can end it right

**Author's Note:**

  * For [transstevebucky](https://archiveofourown.org/users/transstevebucky/gifts).



> WOW OKAY PART 1 FINALLY HERE AND POSTED.
> 
> holy shit i cant believe this im so?!?!?! nervous and excited about this omg. ive been writing this since october and ive been hyping it up so much so i hope the first part is up to everyone's standards and hopes!!! im hoping the next few parts won't take as long to get up!!
> 
> Thank you to Eva and Draco for the handholding and words of encouragement throughout these long longggggg 5 months!!! i love y'all:)
> 
> and of course, thank you to ashleigh who made the header for my fic!! i love it so much and am so appreciative that you chose my fic to do art for:)
> 
> and lastly!!! thank you to all of my mutuals/followers/anons who hyped this up and me up, sent in songs for the playlist, sent theories and set ideas for the fic. y'all now who you are and i love you.
> 
> now enough of my oscar worthy sounding speech, enjoy part one of the wdbhg series (also known as, Fiji Fic!)

He doesn't know how he ended up here. A single backpack in hand, standing outside of Nadi International Airport in Fiji, trying not to be spotted by fans. His phone's shut off, as he doesn’t want to be bothered by anyone at the moment. He knows that he's going to worry people, and he knows that they're probably already wondering where he is, but that's not his concern right now. His concern is how he ended up here.

 

"Louis?" he hears softly behind him, and it takes everything in him not to sigh in frustration because he came to Fiji specifically because he didn't want to be seen or spotted. That's why he didn’t go to the states, or even back home. He wanted to be hidden.

 

He turns and smiles softly at the fan as she walks up to him shyly, a young girl most likely in her early teens. "Hi love," Louis greets, hoping there's not too much of an audible strain in his voice. "Suppose you'd like a picture, wouldn't you?" he asks, trying to keep it light and friendly. Louis realizes he’s trying to convince himself that he’s fine just as much as he’s trying to reassure the girl.

 

He takes a few pictures with her and says his goodbyes, but asks her to wait a few days before posting the pictures. He'd rather not have his location splattered all over the internet right now.

 

Sighing, he takes his phone out of his pocket, hesitating a few seconds before turning it on, being flooded by numerous messages from his mum, sisters, the boys and most likely everyone else he hasn't told about where he'd fucked off to. In retrospect, this wasn't exactly his best idea, but had he told anyone where he was going, Harry most likely would have found out and come after him. That's the last thing he wants right now.

 

Scrolling through all of his unopened messages, Louis bites his lip and hovers over one from Harry before moving his finger and clicking on a text from Zayn right underneath it.

  


**_From: Z, 3:09 pm_ **

_'made it safe?'_

 

Louis smiles softly and replies back with a short ‘yes’ before moving on to all the other messages he has yet to read. Zayn had been the only one he trusted enough to tell where he was going. He hadn't wanted to tell his mum because then he'd have had to explain everything to her and that was a story he wanted to avoid telling. He had considered telling Liam and Niall where he was planning to go, but Niall can't keep his mouth shut, and Liam would have tried to talk him out of going.

 

He tells his mum that he's fine and just needed time to himself, to tell the girls that they all don't need to worry. He says the same to Liam and Niall, Liam already scolding him for leaving without warning anyone. They were in the middle of a tour, so he really can’t blame him.  

  


**_To: Lima, 3:36 pm_ **

_'i'll be back before our next show.  relax mate'_

 

After he presses send, he puts everyone except his mum and Zayn on mute so that he doesn't have to deal with the dozens of texts and calls he's most likely going to be getting over the next few days. This trip is supposed to be a vacation, a getaway from all of the problems caused by being in the spotlight. It's a love-hate relationship between Louis and this vacation.

  


As soon as he manages to flag down a car to take him to his hotel, his phone goes off again with Zayn's ringtone. He considers not answering for the sake of keeping everything private, but he knows Zayn. He knows he wouldn't call him if anyone else were around; he's smarter than that.

 

"'Lo?" he answers while sliding into the seat, attempting to keep his voice as casual as possible. "Hey Z."

 

"You doing alright? Got there safe?" Zayn asks immediately. Louis can hear the worry clear in his voice. "Harry's been-"

 

Louis pulls the phone away from his ear and squeezes his eyes shut, sighing loudly. He doesn't want to hear his name right now. It's one of the last things he wanted to be reminded of at the moment. Hearing it just makes this all so much more real and makes it hurt much more than he wants it to.

 

"Louis? You there bro?"

 

He puts the phone back up to his ear and nods, even though he's aware that Zayn can't see him doing it.

 

"Here. Don't want to hear his name."

 

"Sorry. But, um- Everyone's been worried, wondering where you've gone. I think Har- sorry, again. People can tell that I know something. I'm not going to tell anyone, but I can tell they all want to ask," Zayn tells him, his voice going hushed at the end of the sentence. Someone must've just walked into the room. Louis's afraid to ask who it was.

 

"I know you won't. S'why I told you," he mumbles, leaning his head back against the seat. “I trust you.” He hears Zayn sigh in relief through the phone as if he had been afraid that Louis changed his mind about keeping this secret with him. Not that Louis had much of a choice, now. He was already here, and Zayn already knew.

 

"You're doing alright though, yeah? I mean, not great, but you're not-"

 

"I'm okay, mate. Just...confused, right now."

 

"Right, okay. I'm here if you need me, you know that. Just give me a call," Zayn says, and Louis can feel his lips turning up at the corners a bit.

 

"Will do. See you when I get back," he tells him, the two of them saying their goodbyes before hanging up. Louis stares down at his phone and takes a deep breath, shoving it back in his pocket and shutting his eyes. This trip won't be long enough for him to get over what happened, certainly not when it's less than two days, but maybe it’ll be a start.

 

Upon arriving at the hotel, Louis pays the driver and thanks him profusely. Luckily, One Direction isn’t well known in Fiji, so he doesn’t have to pay off his driver to keep quiet. Grabbing his bag,  he makes his way inside of the hotel. He checks in, gets his room key, and goes up to his room. After tossing his bag to the side, he walks further into the room and sits on the bed, laying back and staring up at the ceiling. Letting out a deep breath, he takes his phone back out his pocket and opens Harry’s messages before he has time to talk himself out of it.

 

He regrets it immediately.

 

**_From: Haz xx, 9:15 am_ **

_‘louis at least let me explain’_

 

**_From: Haz xx, 11:37 am_ **

_‘lou please, i’m sorry’_

 

**_From: Haz xx, 2:55 pm_ **

_‘did you leave??’_

 

The last one was somewhat recent. Louis swallows hard and groans in frustration, sitting up and throwing his phone to the side without reading the remaining messages. He doesn’t have anything to say to Harry right now, doesn’t want to hear any more explanations, and he doesn’t want to accept any apologies. This entire time he thought they were both putting equal effort into their relationship, only to realize Harry’s been fucking off and letting Louis put in one hundred percent. It’s all bullshit.

 

He sighs when his phone starts going off, this time with Liam’s ringtone. He doesn’t understand what part of ‘relax mate’ Liam doesn’t get.

 

Standing up, he grabs his phone off the floor and stares down at it before sliding his thumb over the decline button. He doesn’t need a twenty-minute speech from Liam on how worried he’s made everyone and how unprofessional this was. He already knows he’s going to have an earful when he gets back. He’ll cross that bridge when he gets to it.

* * *

  


It starts with Harry acting strange around him. Louis knows things have been tense lately, especially with Eleanor flying into Australia for remaining leg of the tour, but Harry’s never been like this before. He’d been avoiding Louis all day and Louis doesn’t know if he’s done something wrong or if Harry’s just having an off day. He’s been having more and more of those the last few weeks. Either way, he’d like someone to tell him something to get this strange feeling out the pit of his stomach.

 

He decides to talk to Zayn in his hotel room that morning, settling himself in his best friend’s bed and frowning down at his interlaced fingers. Why is he so nervous?  

 

“Has he said anything to you or the other boys?” Louis starts. “I wanna know- If I made him upset or something so I can fix it, you know? I can’t fix it if I don’t know what’s wrong.” He continues to vent, running a hand through his hair and looking up at Zayn with anxious eyes.

 

Zayn shakes his head, glancing at Louis apologetically. “Nothing bro, I’m sorry,” He admits and Louis sighs in defeat, lying on the bed and pressing his face into one of the pillows.

 

"I fucking hate this," he mumbles into the pillow before turning over and laying on his back. "I wish he'd just let me know what I did wrong. That's all I want," He complains as Zayn sits beside him on the bed.

 

"Have you talked to Liam? He might know something," Zayn suggests, grabbing his phone off the nightstand. Louis sighs and sits up again, resting his head on Zayn's shoulder. "Liam knows everything that goes on."

 

"I'll ask him later," Louis replies offhandedly. He knows the smart thing to do would have been to go to Liam first, seeing as Harry talks to him and Niall more than he talks to Zayn. It's just that Louis's first instinct is to go to Zayn, and it always has been since day one.

 

Louis and Zayn had never been given enough credit for how easily they had clicked at the start of X-Factor. Everyone knows that Louis and Harry had immediately turned into LouisandHarry during their X-Factor days, but there had been a certain bond between Louis and Zayn that even him and Harry hadn't had. It had been an easy friendship from the beginning, especially since they’re the closest two in age and have the most in common when it comes to their interests.

 

The two of them brought out new, hidden sides of each other that no one ever knew they had before. Louis revealed Zayn's enthusiasm and openness to new things, previously hidden behind a mask of indifference. Zayn could be just as loud and obnoxious as Louis was when doing something he enjoyed. At the same time, Zayn was the one that could tone down Louis’ personality and loud attitude, keeping him focused when things were getting too hectic around them. It continues to be an equal balance between them, as though Louis is fire and Zayn’s ice and everyone thinks it shouldn't work, but Zayn cools Louis down, and Louis gives Zayn the heat he needs. It works, even if they're not always sure how.

 

"You think it has to do with Eleanor coming out here?" he asks, playing with his fingers. "I know it's shit, but we already talked about it." Louis remembers that argument vividly. He and Harry were up late in their hotel room, screaming at each other because Eleanor’s been constantly flown out on tour this year. It wasn't the first time they had had this argument, but it had been the first one that the rest of the boys had had to intervene. Their fighting had kept everyone awake to the point where Zayn had to go and drag Louis out of his and Harry’s room to stay in his own, whereas Liam stayed and tried to calm Harry down.

 

Louis remembers crying on Zayn’s shoulder that night, thinking about the words him and Harry had exchanged, Harry having accused him of actually wanting Eleanor to be there. He'd said that had it not been for Louis's insecurities, they'd both be out of the closet by now, and they wouldn't have to keep up the fucking charade. Harry thinks he’s ashamed.

 

None of what he had said to Louis was true, not a single word. Louis had never been ashamed of who he was; he'd always been proud of himself. He had only taken on Eleanor because if he hadn't, it would've had to have been Harry, and Louis wasn’t going to let Harry take on more than he had to. So for Harry to have accused him of something like that, well, it fucking hurt.

 

Zayn opens his mouth to speak, sensing Louis’ getting lost in his thoughts, but he's cut off when Louis’ phone buzzes from his pocket. Louis sighs and grabs his phone, opening the message from Lottie and frowning.

 

**_From: Lotts x, 10:13am_ **

_‘is that H ?’_

 

There’s a picture attached to the text, of a girl in shorts straddling a guy below her. Louis squints and looks at it closely, recognizing the boots and the font on the arm that resembles Harry’s Things I Can’t tattoo far too closely for it to be a coincidence.

 

He thinks he stops breathing for a minute, staring at the picture on his phone and trying to make sense of it. Where did this even come from? How had Lottie seen it before him? Where did she find it in the first place?

 

Zayn must notice the anxious expression on his face because he moves to Louis’s side on the bunk and looks over his shoulder. “Who’s that?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.

 

Louis blinks and swallows, keeping his eyes on the image. “Harry,” He says, and for a moment he can’t believe how calm his voice is coming across. He expects to sound more panicked, for it to sound strained as though he’s on the verge of tears. Instead, though, he’s at a surprising peace with himself and his inner thoughts. Could this have been why Harry was avoiding him? This picture?

 

Zayn frowns and grabs Louis’s phone from him, zooming in on the picture, squinting at it for a few seconds before handing the phone back and looking at Louis. “And who’s that?” he asks, referencing to the girl in the picture.

 

“I don’t know,” Louis mumbles, staring blankly at the phone between his fingers.

 

Zayn sighs, tapping a few times on Louis’s phone over his shoulder and pulling up the Google search results for Harry Styles. As Zayn searches through the different articles and posts, Louis watches silently, not knowing how to react to all the new information his brain is receiving at the moment. He’s in a shock he’s decided. Maybe even in denial.

 

“Do you know a Paige? Um- Reifler. Paige Reifler?” Zayn asks, and it’s when Louis hears that name that his brain catches up. His stomach drops and his calm mask of indifference slides away to reveal one of fury.

 

“What the fuck,” he spits, grabbing his phone and reading through the article. When he’s finished skimming, he mutters a quick “I have to go,” and springs off of Zayn’s bed, shoving his shoes on and storming out the room in with haste. He hears Zayn scrambling to follow after him, calling his name as he enters the hallway and makes his way straight towards his and Harry’s room. Zayn goes after him, grabbing his arm and stopping the two of them in the middle of the hall.

 

“Louis- What are you doing? What’s that picture- What’s going on, Lou?” he asks, his tone laced with confusion. Louis glances at him and frowns, looking back towards the end of the hallway where his and Harry’s room was.

 

“Some fucking model or something. He was hanging out with her and her friends and- He told me nothing happened, he promised.” There’s the strain in his voice that had been nonexistent earlier. He's grateful now that it hadn't been there before. He's not a fan of sounding as emotionally wrecked as he feels, and he want’s it to go the fuck away.

 

There could be a simple explanation for this, he thinks. He'd like to give Harry the benefit of the doubt, especially when it comes to something like this. They'd been together for over three years now, would he do something like that now and ruin it? Ruin everything that they had been working so hard for?

 

Louis shakes his head and rushes down the hall before Zayn can ask him anything else, stopping in front of the door to his and Harry’s room and he takes his key card out of his wallet. He opens the door and swallows, trying to calm himself down before he ends up saying things to Harry that he might not mean.

 

Harry isn’t immediately visible when Louis walks in, and for some reason he’s oddly comforted by it. “Harry?” he calls, walking into their room while Zayn waits for him out in the hallway. Zayn’s got enough sense not to get into this one right now.  He’s seen them fight before, but he thinks this time might be different.  Harry makes his way out of the bathroom, toothbrush in his mouth and his headscarf already wrapped in his hair.

 

“Louis, hey,” he says, and that’s when Louis gets the feeling back at the bottom of his stomach because Harry never greets him with Louis unless they’re in the middle of an argument or something’s wrong. Even when they met, it was never ‘Louis’.  He doesn’t like where this is going so far. “What’s going on?”

 

Louis’s words get caught on his tongue before he can get them out, so he just takes a deep breath and shows the picture on his phone to Harry. “What’s this?” he asks before the bravado can leave him.

 

Harry blinks at him, then moves his eyes towards the picture and promptly freezes. Louis feels like he's just gotten punched in the stomach.

 

"I- Louis, listen," Harry starts as Louis lowers his phone slowly. Louis thinks that any other time he would be laughing at Harry, who has a toothbrush hanging out of his mouth, and foam dribbling down his chin.  Right now, though, Louis wants to throw up.  “I don’t know how that picture got out. I talked to Paige and...She says her friend posted it, I didn’t know someone took a picture,” he rambles on, pleading and making up excuses. Louis blinks and stares straight at the wall past Harry, tuning out the words that he’s attempting to string together. He makes out "it was a mistake" and "I love you". Harry still hasn’t said what Louis' been waiting to hear. It wasn’t what it looked like and was all a misunderstanding. He’d rather hear that right now, even if it were a lie.

 

Louis decides suddenly that he’s done listening and starts walking away while Harry's in the middle of trying to explain himself, pushing past Zayn and rushing down the hall towards the elevator. He hears Zayn and Harry arguing somewhere behind him about who's going to be the one to go after him, but right now, Louis doesn't want it to be either of them. He doesn't want Zayn to pity him; he doesn't want to feel even more vulnerable than he usually does around him and his strange intuition. He can't handle Harry excuses, either. The amount of hurt and disappointment he feels when he so much as thinks of Harry is too overbearing for him to handle.

 

The thing is, he hadn't expected this. He hadn't expected the hardships of their relationship to push them this far and this low. Louis didn't think that they'd feel the need to be with someone else just for things to work, for things to be easy; he’d thought things had been hard lately, but rough patches happen in every relationship. _‘But you two have had a lot of rough patches haven’t you?’_ a voice in his head tells him. It makes him wonder if there had been any other times he'd done this that Louis hadn't found out about yet. He thinks back to all the time Harry had been spending with Nick. The two of them had spent a lot of time together towards the end of last year and who knows what Harry hasn’t been telling him. Then there were the other times Harry had been with Paige, even times after the day of this picture. Louis even catches himself questioning _Taylor-fucking-Swift_. At this point, he can't figure out what was real and what isn’t. He can't tell their stunts from their mistakes, and he feels like everything's falling apart around him. Now Louis sees that he doesn't always know what happens behind closed doors, even if he's part of the reason that they're closed in the first place.

 

He starts feeling nauseous as he gets into the elevator, holding the elevator railing. The ailing feeling in his stomach is growing stronger as each minute goes by. He can’t figure out if he’s sick or heartbroken and starts to wonder if they feel the same, but either way, he wants it all to stop.

 

When the elevator doors open, he sneaks past where he knows a group of fans are stood and ducks out to the back of the hotel. He stops and rests his hand on the wall, steadying himself before leaning over and throwing up into the bushes. ‘ _At least it wasn’t in the elevator.’_

 

Standing still for a few seconds, he closes his eyes and tries to make sense of everything that had happened in the past fifteen minutes. He can feel the bile trying to come back up at just the thought of it all. No matter how many different explanations he comes up with in his head, it all comes back to the same conclusion.  

 

Harry cheated on him.

 

“Fuck!” he yells, standing straight up and hitting the wall of the hotel with the palm of his hand. He hits it again a few more times to get it out of his system, then leans his back against the wall and holds his head in his hands. His hand throbs painfully, but he thinks that’s nothing compared to everything else he’s feeling.

 

He hears the faint sound of Zayn’s voice calling his name and lets out an involuntary sob, accidentally alerting Zayn to his hiding spot. Louis slides down the wall until he’s sitting on the ground. The back door opens a few seconds later, and Louis doesn’t bother looking up. He knows it’s Zayn from the lack of apologies and bullshit excuses.

 

Zayn sits beside him and doesn’t say anything, letting Louis lay his head on his shoulder and cry semi-silently without either of them saying a word.

 

“Why,” Louis says after a few minutes of silence. He’s not expecting Zayn to respond, even though he wants answers. “Did I...Was it something I did? Was I not-”

 

“Don’t finish that sentence, Louis. You know that’s not true,” Zayn tells him, sounding stern. “He’s an asshole. It’s not your fault.”

 

Louis looks at Zayn through tear-blurred vision and swallows, nodding slowly. His question is still unanswered, though, he just wants to know, why now? Of the entire three years, why did Harry choose now to do this to him. That is, assuming this is the first and only time it’s happened. He knows things have been hard, especially with their closeting situation, but were things between them honestly this bad? Was Harry willing to just give up on everything they’ve worked for? This line of thought is only making upsetting him more, and his sobs escalate a little in volume. If they get any louder, it might attract some unwanted attention, Zayn realizes. Wrapping his arms around Louis, Zayn pulls him into his lap, and Louis immediately hides his face in Zayn’s shoulder muffling the sounds.

 

After about five minutes of Zayn running a hand through his hair and whispering into his ear, Louis starts to calm down. Eventually, he lifts his head and sniffles loudly. His eyes are bloodshot and puffy, cheeks blotchy. “‘M sorry. This is so embarrassing.” Louis’ voice is rough too, and he grimaces at the sound. Zayn makes a wounded noise at that, insisting that he shouldn’t be embarrassed and that this is a completely reasonable reaction.

 

An idea pops quickly pops into his head, as his greatest ones usually come to him. “I need to go somewhere,” Louis exclaims, standing up,  brushing the dirt off of his jeans and wiping the tears from his eyes. “Somewhere far away from Harry so I can get my thoughts together without him interfering.” He won’t be able to figure anything out when he knows that Harry's going to be constantly groveling, trying to gain Louis's forgiveness before Louis has a chance to decide what his next step is.  

 

Zayn stands beside him, leaning his shoulder against the wall and raising an eyebrow. “Somewhere like?” he asks and Louis shrugs, kicking at the ground. He hadn’t exactly gotten that far in his thought process yet. “Well," Zayn continues, straightening his stance, "We’ve got about a day and a half left to do nothing, so if you’re gonna run away, I suggest you do it now.”

 

Louis sighs, turning back towards the hotel.  The two of them slowly start to make their way back inside, Zayn trailing behind Louis closely. Back in the elevator, Louis bites his lip and looks over at Zayn, shoving his hands in his pockets and leaning back on his heels.

 

“How far is Fiji from here?” he blurts unexpectedly.

 

Zayn raises an eyebrow and leans against the elevator railing. "Fiji? That's where you're gonna go?"

 

Louis shrugs. "Might as well. ‘V always wanted to go there. Might be fun. You know, aside from the fact that I'm running away from my cheating boyfriend," he says, then pauses for a few seconds. He hates how that sounds coming from his lips. He hates how it tastes like dirt and feels like acid on his tongue.

 

"Alright then," Zayn says as the elevator doors open. The hallway lights are harsh, and Louis blinks his tired eyes at them rapidly. They walk out and make their way down the hall towards Zayn's single room. "Fiji it is." He stops them in front of the door and pulls out his room key, unlocking it and leading Louis in.

 

"Do you wanna come with?" Louis asks as he grabs his backpack off the floor and tosses it on Zayn's bed. He's sure he has a couple of outfits somewhere in Zayn's room, and if not then he could always ask to borrow a set or two. He doesn’t feel like going back to his and Harry's room and risk another painful confrontation with him so soon after the last.

 

Zayn shakes his head and sits on his bed as Louis packs. "Nah. Don't think they need the two of us going missing," he says and Louis nods in understanding, tossing a couple of t-shirts in his bag.

 

"Don't tell anyone where I'm going,” Louis insists, zipping his bag when he’s packed everything he needs. He takes his phone out of his pocket and taps on the screen, poking his tongue out in concentration as he books the first available flight to Fiji. "I don't want him to find out.  He’ll try to come after me; I know he will.”

 

"Course bro," Zayn tells him. Louis smiles softly and slings his bag strap over his shoulder, shoving his phone in his pocket.

 

"I'm gonna go and get a car to the airport, then. Next flight leaves in an hour." He and and Zayn stand up, hugging each other tightly. He’s fully prepared for all the shit he’s going to get from leaving without any notice, but it’s the only way he’ll be able to get away without too many issues.

 

“Stay safe,” Zayn whispers when they pull out of the hug. “Text me when you get there.”

 

Louis nods and smiles softly at Zayn’s concern. “Will do,” he says reassuringly, walking towards the room door before pausing and turning back in Zayn’s direction “Just...tell them you haven’t seen me if they-”

 

“Louis, I know. Go before you’re late for your flight.” Zayn waves Louis off and sits back on his bed. Louis turns to face the door again and lets out a deep breath, gripping the strap of his backpack tightly and leaving the room to arrange a car to pick him up.

* * *

 

Zayn’s waiting outside the airport when Louis lands back in Melbourne. He’s leaning against a sleek, black car and looking down at his phone. Louis already missed soundcheck because he had decided to book a later flight back and he knows he’s going to get his ass handed to him, but he doesn’t care. The less he has to see  Harry right now, the better. He has approximately an hour until they're due on stage, but the drive from the airport to the arena already is going to take half of that time.

  


“Z!” he calls. Zayn looks up from his phone and smiles, walking up to Louis and embracing him in a tight hug.

 

“Missed you, bro.”

 

“It’s been a shit couple of days without you. I think Liam’s about ready to set up auditions to replace you,” Zayn jokes and Louis laughs softly. “Paul’s in the car, we should probably get going before we miss the concert all together.”

 

Louis sighs and nods, quickly following Zayn into the car and tossing his backpack in the front seat.  He grabs his phone from out of his hoodie pocket, sending his mum text to tell him he landed safe as Paul starts driving to the arena they were set to play in tonight. “Liam needs to relax. I told him I’d be back and here I am, aren’t I?” Louis rolls his eyes and looks over at Zayn. “They didn’t give you too much shit, did they?”

 

Zayn shrugs. “Hid out in my hotel room. Liam kept trying to harass me about it, but I told Niall to keep him distracted for me,” He says, biting his lip. “You doing alright, though? A couple days in Fiji isn’t gonna-”

 

“I know it won’t fix it,” Louis interrupts, running a hand through his hair and glancing out the window. “Nothing’s really gonna fix it, is it? Like, he fucked up. He hurt me. And what am I supposed to do about it?” He switches his focus down to his rope tattoo and frowns, pulling his hoodie sleeve down and hiding it. Maybe he should’ve kept to his hatred of tattoos. These things were fucking permanent.

 

“Could break up with him,” Zayn says after a few long seconds of silence. Louis looks over at him quickly and widens his eyes.

 

“We’ve been together for three years, Zayn,” Louis starts, but Zayn stops him.

 

“And you think all of this is normal?” He asks, raising an eyebrow.

 

Louis scoffs, shaking his head and looking back out the window. He’s not sure if Zayn’s noticed, but nothing they’ve done in the past three years could be defined as _normal._ The two of them - Louis, at least - have been working for their relationship far too long for it to just...end. Don’t get him wrong, he’s thought about it before, but he’s not the type of person to just quit everything that he’s worked for just because there’s a slight bump in the road. Him and Harry are going to make it through this, they just need to figure out how.

 

“Louis- This isn’t normal,” Zayn continues. “It’s not healthy-”

 

“Then what _is?_ ” Louis asks, his voice dripping with annoyance. It goes quiet between the two of them before Zayn sighs and sits up straight, turning to face Louis.

 

“All I’m saying is, you’ve been doing all of this shit to keep your relationship together and what has he been doing? Going behind your back and cheating on you because _he_ can’t handle it. He’s not thinking about you. He’s not putting you or your relationship first. So honestly? I don’t know why you are,” Zayn says and sits back in his seat, messing around on his phone as if he hadn’t said a thing.

 

Louis sits at a loss for words, not knowing how to respond. Somewhere deep down, he knows Zayn is right. As much as he doesn't want to believe it, he can't deny it was true. He hates being proven wrong, especially when it comes to Zayn.

 

He takes a deep breath and looks down, speaking up a few minutes later. "You really think I should break up with him?" He questions. Of all the times this thought has crossed his mind, this was the first time he was _genuinely_ considering it.

 

Zayn shrugs and taps away at his phone. "It's your choice. Just- Make sure that whatever you decide, you're doing it because it makes you happy. Not because you think you have to."

 

Louis looks up at him and nods slowly. "Can I bunk with you til I figure it out?" He asks, biting his lip. Zayn rolls his eyes and nudges his shoulder, smiling.

 

"Of course, bro. Gets lonely anyways," He says. Louis smiles and shoves him back. “Don’t have to stay in hotels, if you want. Could just stay on the bus the whole time.” Somehow, Zayn always _knows_ Louis. He knows exactly what he needs and exactly what he wants - or needs - to hear at any given movement.

 

He nods and grabs his bag off the floor when Paul parks at the arena, following Zayn out the car. The two of them walk into the arena together, Zayn resting his arm on Louis shoulder and providing a sense of comfort and protection for him. Louis swallows hard as they make their way to their dressing rooms, frowning when he hears Harry and Liam down the hall rehearsing _Last First Kiss._

 

"You sure you wanna go out there? Can say you're feeling ill," Zayn suggests, but Louis shakes his head. He wasn't going to let his and Harry's personal issues get in the way of the band and his professionalism. He has a job to do and that comes before anything else at times like this.

 

"I'm okay," He reassures with a weak smile. "Suppose I should put all that acting skill to work, eh?" Zayn rolls his eyes and Louis laughs, shoving Zayn off him once they reach where the other three boys are.

 

Niall's the first to notice, looking up from his phone and grinning. "Tommo! You've made it!" He shouts from across the room, standing up and making his way over before engulfing Louis in a tight hug. Louis hugs him back before pulling away and shrugging.

 

"Had a spontaneous day, you know how it goes," He lies, but Niall doesn't visibly notice anything.

 

Liam looks up when he heard Niall yell and sighs in relief, walking up to Louis and giving him a pat on the back. "Had us worried, mate. There wasn't an earlier flight?"

 

Louis shakes his head, which is another lie. There had been another flight earlier in the morning, but that would have left him with two hours between the time he got back and the time they were due on stage. In other words, he'd have to spend two hours trying to avoid Harry at all costs and he'd rather not have to go through the effort.

 

He looks past Liam and makes eye contact with Harry, holding it for a few solid seconds before breaking it and returning to his conversation with Liam and Niall about how Fiji had been. It's not that he doesn't want to talk to Harry, because he _does_. He has questions that he wants answers to and he wants them to talk about this. To figure out how they're going to get past it and move on.

 

Except he's hurt. He doesn't think he can handle talking to Harry for an extended period of time without causing a scene and saying things he won't mean. He was going to need more time to settle his thoughts and feelings before he went anywhere near Harry in a non-professional setting. He'll pretend he's fine for the sake of the band and the fans, but anything outside of that and he won't be able to handle it.

 

Lou rushes to him before he can say anything else, scolding him and Zayn for showing up late. Her and Caroline only had about twenty minutes now to get the both of them ready, and Louis feels a bit bad, but it was an emergency. Surely Lou and Caroline would understand if he felt up for explaining.

 

He glances over at Zayn as they're ushered to wardrobe, putting on a brave face when Caroline greets them and hurries to get them dressed. He tried his hardest not to give her a hard time, not that he has enough energy in him to do so. Whatever little bit he had left, he needed to save it for when he was on stage.

 

"Last minute to back out, bro," Zayn tells him, nudging his shoulder while they hurry to hair and makeup. Louis shrugs and sits in a chair, sitting still as Lou fixes his hair.

 

"Don't want to disappoint the fans anymore than I already have," he tells him, staring straight ahead while Lou finishes his hair and makeup. She shoos him out of the chair and sits Zayn down, fussing over him as Louis leans against the wall and watches. "I'll be fine, Z."

 

Zayn looks at him with uncertainty before sighing and letting Lou do her work. Louis hates how well Zayn knows him, but he can't skip out on a show because of something like this. It's unprofessional and it isn't fair to the fans or the other boys. He can't afford to let anyone down right now.

 

Louis and Zayn walk back to where the other boys are when they're finished, Zayn wrapping his arm around Louis's shoulders again and calming Louis down with the same sense of protection from earlier.

 

“Alright lads,” Louis says once they enter the room, clapping his hands together and smiling. “I reckon we’ve left the fans out there long enough. I’m ready if you lot are,” He pats Liam’s shoulder before taking off in the direction of the stage entrance. “Zayn!” He calls when he’s halfway down the hallway, gesturing for the other boy to follow him. Zayn shrugs and starts running after him, Liam and Niall following in suit.

 

Louis stops at the stage entrance, putting his arm around Zayn’s shoulder when the others catches up to him and grinning. “Am I going up first, then?” He asks, looking at the other three boys with raised eyebrows. He catches sight of Harry coming down the hall to join them, then looks over at Zayn and smiles softly. “Guess I am,” he says when Harry gets closer, running out on stage when the stage door opens at the end of the intro video and leading the other four boys on.

 

* * *

 

Louis’s the first one off stage that night, hoping to avoid Harry as he makes his way to the bus. Zayn’s stayed behind, getting distracted by something Niall had to tell him while Liam’s being ushered out to the car taking the other three to their hotel for the night.

 

“Louis.” Louis stops walking when he hears his name, sighing and turning to face Harry. He had almost made it out the arena. Almost.

 

“What, Harry?” he asks, sounding exasperated. He doesn't want to have this conversation now. He needs more time to get his thoughts together and to figure out what it is he wants. "I need to get on the bus-"

 

"You're avoiding me," Harry interrupts, biting his lip. "Listen, I know I fucked up. I know I hurt you, Louis, but it was a _mistake."_

 

"Stop, stop, I don't want to do this now," Louis says, shaking his head and walking back in the direction towards the bus. He wasn't ready for this conversation. He can feel his heart breaking pieces that were slowly mending themselves together again. He needs more time.

 

Harry grabs Louis's arm and stops him again, his eyes pleading for Louis not to go. "Louis-"

 

"I don't want to talk about it right now. The least you can do right now is respect the fact that I need time to get my thoughts in order," Louis tells him calmly, refusing to make eye contact with him and pulling his arm away.

 

"Lou," Harry says, biting his lip. "I'm sorry."

 

"Yeah, I'm sorry, too," Louis spits, masking his pain with annoyance. "I'm sorry that this was so hard for you that you needed to go fuck someone else to take the stress away." He _knows_ he's going to regret this, but if he's not pissed off then he's going to start crying and he _refuses_ to cry in front of Harry. Harry doesn't deserve to see him in his vulnerable state right now.

 

"It didn't mean anything, Louis. I don't know why I did it. I fucked up, Lou."

 

Louis opens his mouth to speak, but is quickly interrupted by Zayn, who's making his way to the both of them.

 

"Louis, you ready to go?" Zayn asks from behind Harry, walking up to the both of them and standing beside Louis with his hands in the pocket of his jeans. Louis glances between him and Harry and nods slowly, looking to Zayn and smiling weakly.

 

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm ready to go," he says, running a hand through his hair before setting his eyes back on Harry. "I can't do this now. I'm sorry, but I can't." He ignores the way Harry's face immediately falls because he's _not_ the one who's in the wrong. He wasn't the one who went and hooked up with someone else. This wasn't his fault.

 

Zayn nods and starts walking towards where the busses are parked, nodding for Louis to follow him. Louis starts walking after him, glancing back at Harry for a few seconds before shaking his head and jogging to catch up to where Zayn was.

 

"Thanks," Louis says as they exit the arena and walk outside to the bus. Zayn nods and opens the bus door, letting Louis get on first and following closely behind him.

 

"Course, Lou," he tells him, sitting on one of the chairs and putting his phone on the charger. "M'sorry I got sidetracked."

 

Louis shakes his head and sits beside him. "I'm not your responsibility, you don't have to apologize," he assures him, running a hand over his face and sighing loudly. He doesn't know how he'd be dealing with any of this right now if it weren't for Zayn. Sure there were Niall and Liam, but it's just not the _same._ Zayn knows when to talk and when to just listen and that's what Louis needs during this. Someone who just _knows._

 

"I'm your best friend," Zayn tells him, nudging his shoulder. "I'm gonna be there for you whether you like it or not."

 

Louis laughs softly and nods. "Yeah, alright," he says, smiling at Zayn. "Except for when I kick your ass in Fifa." He smirks as Zayn rolls his eyes and shoves him away.

 

"Never mind, asshole," Zayn mutters and Louis laughs louder, pulling Zayn into a tight hug. "I'm trying to be sentimental and you're mocking me. Alright then, bro, I see how it's gonna be."

 

"Shut up, you know I love you," Louis says, smiling. "Don't know what I'd do without you."

 

Zayn snorts, raising an eyebrow. "You'd be stuck with Liam."

 

Louis scrunches his nose. "Not the same," he mumbles. He loves Liam, he really does, but sometimes he tends to give the world’s worst advice. Not to mention, he seems to think everything can be solved with a trip to the gym and an intense workout. Louis’s not that type of person.

 

Zayn wraps an arm around Louis’s shoulder and pulls him in. “You know you won't find anyone like me, bro.”

 

“Partners in crime,” Louis says, holding his hand out. Zayn gives him a high five and grins. “Could you imagine if it was just the two of us?”

 

“What do you mean?” Zayn asks, standing up and going to grab his laptop from his bunk. Louis takes over his space and lays down, staring up at the ceiling of the bus.

 

“Like, if it were just you and me in the band,” he continues, playing with his fingers. Zayn comes back and lifts Louis’s legs so he can sit down, putting them on his lap and placing his laptop on the table in front of them. “Suppose I don't have the voice for that, though. You'd have to do all the singing.” He scrunches his nose and sighs loudly.

 

A part of him still wonders how he made it into the band, really. He wasn't the most talented, that was clearly Liam. Not the most popular, that goes to Harry. Niall’s the most likable, and everyone _knows_ Zayn was the most attractive. Louis was just... _Louis_. He didn't have a place, not like the other boys did. He wasn't as memorable. Yeah, maybe he was loud, and apparently everyone thinks he's funny, but that wasn't really important when it comes to being in a boyband. He could leave and no one would even notice.

 

Zayn rolls his eyes, shoving Louis playfully and breaking him out of his thoughts. “Shut up. You know your voice is sick,” he tells him, setting up a movie on his laptop and glancing over at Louis. “Anyways, that'd be horrible. We'd be late to everything.”

 

Louis scoffs and sits up, leaning his head on Zayn’s shoulder. “ _You're_ late to everything,” he reminds. Zayn just shakes his head and presses play on _Avengers._ “Would it be weird, do you think? Not doing it with the other boys?”

 

“Might be,” Zayn says, leaning back. “Why? You planning on starting a duo, then? What are we gonna call it? Two Directions?” Louis snorts and smacks Zayn’s arm.

 

“Don't be a dick. I'm just thinking, I'm _curious.”_

 

“Double Direction!” Zayn exclaims, ignoring Louis’s glare. “Wait, okay, this is a good one. _Duo Direction.”_

 

Louis sighs in annoyance as Zayn starts laughing, shoving him away and crossing his arms. “Shut up, asshole.”

 

“Sorry, sorry,” Zayn apologizes, grinning. “Figured you could use a bit of shitty humor.”

 

“I hate everything you stand for,” Louis mumbles as Zayn pulls him back into him.

 

“Love you, bro!” Zayn exclaims, messing up Louis’s hair, which was most likely already a mess to begin with. Louis rolls his eyes yet lets a smile peek through, one that Zayn doesn’t fail to notice. “But in all seriousness, could you imagine it being just the two of us? Don’t you think it’d get like, lonely after a while?”

 

“Dunno. Maybe. I guess we’ll never find out,” Louis mutters, glancing back to the laptop screen.

 

It goes silent between them, both of them focusing on the movie in front of them. Zayn’s the first to speak up when they’re nearly halfway through the movie,

 

“Louis? What if, I don’t know, we did decide for it to just be the two of us?” he asks aimlessly. Louis glances up at him and raises an eyebrow. “We could, if we really did want to.”

 

‘Don’t think I could,” Louis says, staring back to the laptop. It’s fun to entertain the thought, but in reality, it’d be impossible for him. The only thing that had kept him in the band for so long now had been Harry, and he’s certain he wouldn’t be able to go on as long without him. He doesn’t have a place in this band, not without Harry.

 

“Why not?” Zayn asks, but Louis doesn’t say anything and that gives him his answer. “You’re so much more than a background character, you know.”

 

Louis sighs and pulls on the sleeves of his hoodie. He doesn't know how to respond, staying silent and keeping his eyes on the movie. He knows he should be stronger than that, and he shouldn't be dependent on anyone else to prove his self worth. Yet, that doesn't stop him from doing it.

 

“Can we just watch the movie?” Louis mutters, tired of feeling Zayn’s eyes on him. It's only a couple of seconds before Zayn lets out a defeated sigh and returns to watching the movie. Louis bites down on his lip and shakes his head, ridding any other thoughts from his head and refocusing on the movie.

* * *

 

Louis knows he can't keep avoiding this conversation. He's spent two weeks avoiding Harry as much as he can, throwing himself into his performances and staying attached to Zayn's hip. Him and Zayn had always been close, but he knows it's changed drastically the past two weeks and it's the only way he can't distract himself from this dreaded talk.

 

He thinks he's made his decision, thanks to late night talks with Zayn and a couple of tear-filled movie nights on the bus. Between all of the choices he's made in his life, this is _by far_ the most difficult. He doesn't know if he'll be able to go through with it, but he won't know if he doesn't try.

 

Standing in front of the door to Harry's hotel you, he swallows and knocks softly, his nerves beginning to get the best of him. He can feel his heart beating rapidly as hears Harry walking to the door from the other side.

 

He takes a deep breath when Harry opens the door, looking up and biting his lip.

 

"Hi," he says breathlessly. Harry stares at him, looking at him as if he wasn't real. As if they hadn't seen each other in years. It feels like that, too. Nearly like they're strangers. "Can we talk?"

 

Harry nods quickly and steps to the side so Louis can enter the room. Louis steps inside, drumming his fingers on his thigh as he makes his way further into the room. His nerves are through the roof and nothing could have prepared him for this moment. No amount of award show speeches, concerts, or twitter spats could have made him ready for what the conversation was going to turn into.

 

He takes a look around the room and frowns when he sees clothes strewn across it. Leaving things around was out of character for Harry, especially when it came to their hotel rooms. Louis was always the one tossing his t-shirts around and Harry always went and cleaned up behind him, putting everything in their suitcases so it wasn't in the way.

 

Right now, though, everything's a mess. There's plates from room service on the tables, t-shirts and bandanas on top of the chairs and the bed. Almost as though this was ruining Harry as much as it was ruining Louis.

 

He stops at the bed and turns as Harry's closing the door and walking back into the room. "Um, you can sit, if you'd like," Harry starts, shoving a pile of his shirts off the bed and sitting down. Louis looks at him and shakes his head, staying on his feet. He knows how it'd go otherwise, and neither of them would get much talking done.

 

"Why'd you do it?" Louis asks after a moment of silence, staring at the ground. He feels as though he can avoid eye contact with Harry and it'll make all of this hurt less. "I thought...We were okay. We were doing so good."

 

"I don't know-"

 

"Don't give me that bullshit," he interrupts, snapping his head up and staring at Harry. "I deserve to know. I deserve a reason. Was I not good enough? Was she better? Just- Why?"

 

Harry shakes his head immediately, and leaps to his feet. "No, no, of course not. Louis- You have no idea how much I regret what I did. Fuck," he swears, running a hand through hair. "I wish I could go back and stop myself from doing it. I'd do anything to make this right."

 

Louis swallows and stares up at him for another few seconds. "That doesn't answer my question," he says quietly. "Why did you do it, Harry?" He looks over Harry's face, waiting for an answer. The fact that it's taking him this long to give him a reason makes him even more worried than he already had been.

 

“I wasn’t thinking. I-”

 

“You weren't thinking about me?” Louis asks, his voice beginning to crack. “Why did you lie to me? Why- Why didn’t you just talk to me? I could’ve fixed it, we could’ve fixed it, Harry.” He doesn’t know how true that statement is, but he doesn’t know what else he can say. Maybe it’s not the fact that Harry cheated that has him so fucked up over this situation. Knowing that Harry had the intention of keeping this from him for as long as he could get away with, that’s what make this all hurt _so_ much more. The secrecy of it all.

 

“Louis,” Harry starts, swallowing hard. “Louis, I’m sorry.”  


“Do you still want this?” Louis asks, ignoring Harry’s apology. “Is it worth it to you?” Harry looks at him with wide eyes and frowns.

 

“What the hell? Of course I do, Louis. Why would you even ask me that?”

 

Louis stays quiet and sighs, running a hand through his hair. His emotions are all over the place right now.

 

“I just- I can't tell. I don't know anymore,” he says honestly, swallowing hard. He thinks back to what Zayn had told him the day he had gotten back from Fiji. About how he had been the one putting in all the effort. How he was the one doing whatever he could to protect their relationship, _them,_ and Harry wasn't doing the same. He couldn't keep doing this.

 

“What's that mean, then?” Harry asks. Louis shakes his head and runs a hand through his hair, biting his lip nervously.

 

“I don't… I can't do it anymore,” he utters, unable to look Harry in the eye. “If you're not going to put in any effort-”

 

“You really think I haven't been doing anything for our relationship? Are you serious right now, Louis?”

 

“What have you done then, Harry? Tell me, within the past year, what have you done?” Louis asks and the silence that follows is very telling. “Right, I'm done. I'm not gonna keep doing this shit if you're not going to at least _try._ You’ve been letting me shoulder management’s worst schemes, completely on my own.  I just can’t do it anymore Harry.”

 

“So you're just going to give up on us?” Harry asks after a few seconds of silence.

 

Louis doesn't say anything, refusing to look up. “You already have.”

 

The silence seems almost too loud after that. Harry slowly sits on the bed and hides his face in his hands before looking back up at Louis. “This is really the end?” he whispers after what feels like a lifetime.

 

Louis swallows and nods slowly, wrapping his arms around himself. “This is really the end,” he repeats, trying to hold back the sob stuck in the back of his throat. Three years and this is where they’re left. In a hotel room in Melbourne, Australia, at the end of their relationship. He didn't know how he was going to make it through this, not after spending so long _with_ Harry. Neither of them know anything else. Louis doesn't, at least.

 

“I'm sorry,” Harry says again, as if it's going to make a difference. “I love you.” That's the first time he's heard Harry say that in days. He just wishes it weren't under these circumstances.

 

“I love you, too,” Louis breathes, swallowing hard. Harry stands up and steps towards Louis until their chests are nearly touching. He moves slowly, as if Louis is a scared animal one sudden movement away from fleeing. Gently, Harry grabs Louis’ chin and tilts his head up a little before leaning down and sealing their lips together. Louis’ breath hitches in shock, but instead of pulling away like his brain is telling him to do, he melts. Closing his eyes, he lets the dark wash away any regret and fear that he thinks he should be feeling.  

 

Harry’s hands move to encircle Louis’ waist tightly at the same time Louis wraps his arms around his neck, pulling them flush together, making Louis whimper into the kiss. Whether it’s from desire, regret, or because Louis’ simply overwhelmed, Harry takes it as permission to deepen it. Louis doesn’t protest, letting Harry lick into his mouth like it’s the last time he’ll ever get to do it. It confuses Louis for a second, but then he remembers that _it is._

 

Harry reaches down and pulls one of Louis’ thighs up, signalling Louis to jump. Louis takes the hint and as he jumps Harry pulls him up, settling Louis’ legs comfortably around his waist. Walking them backward, Harry’s mouth doesn’t detach from Louis’ until the smaller boy’s back collides with the wall behind him, making him gasp in surprise. Instead of finding his mouth again, Harry ducks his head and places sucking kisses and sharp bites to the the spot Louis’ neck and shoulder meet. Louis runs his fingers through Harry’s hair, the feeling of desperation and desire flowing through him. It’s moving so fast Louis feels dizzy with it, but neither of them can slow down; it’s as if the crushing reality of the situation might catch up to them if they stop for even a second.

 

He tugs at Harry’s hair sharply when he feels him nip at the skin behind his ear, forcing Harry’s head back up. Louis pulls him back into a bruising kiss, punching a small, pained moan from Harry. Grunting, Harry realigns their bodies, causing their hips to align and suddenly everything clears as Louis’ cock brushes against where Harry’s already hard in his jeans. _He always was easy to rile up,_ he thinks.  

 

After that first initial contact, neither he nor Harry seem to be able to get enough. As Harry thrusts up, he grinds down and Louis finally feels his dick start to fill up, gently pushing against his zipper. Louis pulls away from Harry’s lips with a wet smack, and leans his head back against the wall. Harry moves to follow his lips, but Louis shakes his head. “Ha-Harry,” he pants, out of breath. “Harry, you need to fuck me, right now, or else-”.  He’s cut off as Harry seals their lips together again and pulls him away from the wall, walking them backwards towards the bed.

 

At the last second Harry spins so when they tumble onto the mattress it’s Louis that is laying underneath him.  They’re tugging at each other’s clothes, lips sliding together, and both of them are breathing heavy. It’s uncoordinated and sloppy and so, so _desperate._

 

Louis can feel Harry’s fingers toying with the hem of his shirt before he reaches underneath, trailing them along the soft hair above Louis’ waistband.  Harry traces a path across Louis’ hip and over his ribcage gently, as if even the slightest of touches could leave permanent marks in their wake.

 

Harry drags the shirt Louis’ wearing up with him, but almost as if it was an accident, that Harry truly just wanted to touch, and everything that’s coming after was purely an unconscious decision. Right now though, neither of them are complaining as they continue to move together in unison.

 

With his shirt bunched up under his armpits, Louis lets out a choked off gasp when Harry reaches up and runs the pad of his thumb over one of his nipples. He already feels as if he’s coiled tightly as could be, but as Harry continues to pinch and tug and flick at the sensitive buds, Louis feels more and more as if he could truly come any second. “God Haz, you know if you keep that up I won’t last long.”

 

Harry pulls away, and Louis nearly whines in the back of his throat from the sudden shift in body heat and lack of physical contact.  However, the feeling doesn’t last long, as Harry is soon pulling Louis up into a sitting position, and begins to work the already half off shirt Louis is wearing off of his shoulders.  As soon as it’s removed, Harry plasters himself back to Louis’ front, and reattaches their lips.  

 

Pants are the next step, naturally.  Harry’s hands are sure and steady as he begins unbuttoning Louis’ jeans.  The sound of the zipper is barely audible underneath the sound of the heavy breathing and the sound of the rustling sheets.  He tugs them down roughly, past mid-thigh, making it hard for Louis to move, but he thinks he’ll manage for now.  Besides, eventually they’ve gotta come the rest of the way off right?

Louis follows suit, reaching down to Harry’s belt blindly, too preoccupied with kissing him to pay too much attention.  It takes a few seconds to realize that it isn’t going as smoothly as it should be, so he detaches their lips and looks down so he can see what he’s doing.  He can feel Harry trailing kisses up his neck, and it takes a lot of effort to focus his attention.  Once he does however, he notices that his hands are shaking, badly.

 

He’s not sure why this is what does it, but suddenly the fog clears, and every one of his senses comes into sharp clarity.  For a few seconds he stops breathing as his whole body tenses.  When he can inhale again, it’s shallow and uneven.  After that they come more and more rapidly, like he can’t catch his breath.  Louis pulls his now trembling hands away from Harry’s waistband and places them against Harry’s chest.  “Oh my god.  Harry fuck, you need to get the fuck off of me.”

 

Louis knows his voice is shaking, and he can feel tears pooling in his eyes. His breathing is coming erratically, and he starts shoving with all of his might at Harry’s broad chest.  Voice panicked, Louis begins to shout. “Get off me, get off me!” It takes a second for Harry to understand just what Louis wants, his mind still clouded with his own desires.  As soon as it hits him though, he jumps back like he’s been burned by the hottest fire known to man.  Louis’ gone into full blown hysterics now, and he’s openly sobbing.  As soon as Harry’s pulled away enough, he scrambles off the bed and hits the soft hotel carpet roughly on his hands and knees.

 

“Lou? Lou what’s wrong?” Harry asks worriedly. “You were fine just a second ago! What did I do?”

 

Louis stands sharply, and hurries over to the jumbled pile of clothing on the floor. Roughly he wipes his eyes. He doesn’t meet Harry’s gaze, and that tells Harry exactly what he already feared.

 

“I can’t believe I was so _stupid_ Harry!” Louis’ voice cracks. “I came here to break up with you, but I was so caught up in how much I still want you, still _love_ you, enough that I almost had sex with you.” Louis pulls on his pants haphazardly. “This was a mistake, I need to go.”

 

“Louis babe if you still love me then why-”

 

Louis cuts him off. “Just because we love each other doesn’t mean we should be together. We’re done Harry. I’m sorry about giving you false hope, but it’s hard to stop myself around you.I plan on working on that over the next several months, actually.” He tries to play it off lightly with a laugh, but it ends up sounding bitter and the words biting and hostile.

 

Harry is standing frozen by the bed half naked as Louis finishes redressing. “Louis. Please, please don’t leave me, I don’t want to lose you.”

 

After taking a shuddering breath, Louis turns calmly to Harry.  “You let me go Harry.  As soon as you made the choice to cheat on me, you let me go.”  With that, Louis spins on his heel and strides out of the hotel room, slamming the door behind him.  As soon as Louis closes the door to his own suite, he collapses against the door, sobs wracking his body.  He cries for a long time.  Eventually he passes out right there on the floor, to exhausted to keep it up any longer.  When he wakes up it’s dark outside.  Louis goes to the bathroom and looks at the hollow shell staring at him in the mirror.  That’s when he notices that he put on Harry’s shirt when he left instead of his own.

 

* * *

 

Louis doesn't speak to Harry for a few days after that night, not unless it’s for band reasons and it's absolutely crucial.  Not that it matters, they weren't allowed to interact with each other anyways. This just makes everything easier for the two of them.

 

Him and Zayn had been spending all of their time either in the bus or sneaking around the city they're in as best as they can when they don't have to be at rehearsals or interviews. It makes all of this easier for him, being able to lean on Zayn when he feels like he’s losing nearly everything that’s important to him.

 

Zayn’s still asleep when Louis hears a knock on the bus door, forcing Louis to have to go answer it. It was most likely Liam, reminding him and Zayn of their responsibilities of the day and making sure they don't miss soundcheck later on. He’s been doing this every day since they've both started staying on the bus. It's both irritating and helpful.

 

Louis stands up and sighs, running a hand through his hair and answering the door. “Liam, I know, soundcheck at four,” he says immediately, not bothering to see if it's Liam or not. He looks down and sees Harry instead of Liam, to which he furrows his brows and frowns. It was too early for this shit.

 

“Can we talk?” Harry asks, his hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans. Louis glances over him briefly, biting his lip and crossing his arms. Harry looks just as tired as Louis does, if not even more so. “God- I miss you, Louis. I never thought...I fucked up the best thing I ever had and now I'm facing the consequences and I hate what I've done to you- To us. I want to fix it, Lou.”

 

Louis doesn't say anything, even though the words are banging against his head, trying to find their way out. It was still too soon for him, he was still hurt and he doesn't know how he's supposed to take all of this in.

 

“I'm not ready,” he says after a silent pause, swallowing and looking down. “You can't just- You can't come back and say you want me back and I'll just take you back. That's not how it works. That's not how I am. You know that.”

 

Harry _knows_ how stubborn Louis gets. He knows that once Louis's made up his mind, it takes a miracle to get him to change it and reconsider. Louis's never been an easy person. He's never been the type to just take what's in front of him because he thinks that's all he can get. He has his faults, but being a pushover was not one of them. He's not going to just give in to Harry just because he's asked. It's going to take so much more than that.

 

He shakes his head and turns around, starting to go back inside the bus. “Louis,” Harry says, grabbing his arm. Louis stops and lets out a deep breath out of frustration, facing Harry again.

 

“What? What else do you have to say to me, Harry? I don't get why you can't just- Leave it alone. We talked about it, there's nothing left to talk about. I'm done with this conversation.”

 

“Why won't you at least let me try, Louis? I don't want to just give up on you. We’ve been through too much for me to not-” he runs a hand through his hair and sighs, shaking his head and staring up at louis with pleading eyes. “I want to make things right, Louis.”

 

“We had been through too much when you had decided to cheat on me, too, but that didn't seem to stop you,” Louis mutters, making Harry fall silent. Neither of them say anything after that, the both of them staring anywhere but at each other. The two of them haven't been like this since their first kiss on the _X-Factor_ back in 2010, when they had first been figuring out their feelings for each other.

 

They've never gotten to this point with each other. This is the first time they've ever had issues that resulted in, well, a _break up._ They had always told themselves that they were stronger than that. That no matter what happened that it'd always be Louis and Harry against the world and nothing would come between them. Of course, that was before this situation revealed itself and broke everything Louis had thought he'd known of their relationship. He still doesn't understand why Harry’s done what he did, and he most likely never will. All he knows, right now, is he wanted Harry to leave so he could get back on the bus.

 

“Lou?” Zayn mumbles from behind him, standing inside the bus with his arms crossed over his chest. Louis and Harry both look up at him, both of them getting caught on the fact that he's only dressed in a pair of sweats. His lack of energy from just waking up is peaking through his voice, as is the mess of hair on his head making it obvious that he has just rolled out of bed.

 

“Really?” Harry says, raising an eyebrow. He directs his attention towards Zayn as disbelief waves over him, shaking his head and scoffing. “It clearly wasn't enough that you told him to break up with me, so you had to go and pull this, too?”

 

Zayn opens his mouth to respond, but Louis quickly beats him to it. “Excuse me, hold on,” he interrupts, narrowing his eyes at Harry. “I'm an _adult,_ Harry. I can make my own decisions.”

 

Confused, Zayn steps off the bus and goes to stand beside Louis, running a hand through his hair. “I didn't _tell him_ to do anything,” he argues. “And what have I apparently pulled?”

 

“Are you _serious_?” Harry asks. “I'm not an idiot.”

 

“Agree to disagree,” Louis says, rolling his eyes and turning around to get back on the bus. He expects Zayn to follow behind him, but finds himself stood alone once he's inside.

 

He frowns as he walks to the bus window, sitting and watching Zayn and Harry argue. This wasn't what he had intended. He didn't want his and Harry’s personal issues coming between the band. It's why they had both decided they weren't going to tell Liam and Niall until the tour was over. It gives them a long enough break between then and promoting the album that things won't be as terrible for all of them in front of cameras.

 

His thoughts are interrupted when he hears Niall's voice outside, his eyes darting back out the window only to find Harry holding his jaw and Niall pulling Zayn back.

 

Louis stands up and rushes off the bus, coming outside and interjecting in the middle of Zayn, Harry and Niall. “Is someone going to tell me what the fuck is going on?” he demands, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow at all three of them. Harry and Zayn shoot each other harsh looks, both of them refusing to speak. Niall rolls his eyes and clears his throat and starts speaking.

 

“I came out to see what was going on because the two of them were yelling, and it was either me or Payno. As soon as I come out, Zayn’s hit Harry in the jaw and I have to pull him away. For what? Who fucking knows. Neither of them are telling me anything,” he says, glancing between Harry and Zayn.

 

Zayn shakes his head and pulls his arm out of Niall’s grip, going back onto the bus before any of them have a chance to say anything. Louis wants to follow after him to see what’s going on, but he can't right now. Not with Niall in front of him and Harry expecting Louis to go and tend to Harry.

 

“Niall, just go back inside and I'll deal with it,” Louis tells him, sighing as Niall hesitates before going back inside. It's quiet between him and Harry, neither of them having anything left to say to each other. “Are you gonna tell me why he hit you?”

 

He takes Harry’s immediate silence as a no and sighs, shaking his head and turning to go back onto the bus.

 

“You’re taking his side?” Harry asks in an incredulous tone. Louis stops in his tracks and turns back to him.

 

“Well you won’t tell me what the fuck is going on, so unless you’re going to speak up, I have to go ask him,” he says harshly. It’s quiet for another few seconds before he swallows and begins walking back to the bus door, crossing his arms and staring at the ground, “Don’t forget to put ice on that,” he mumbles, but loud enough so Harry can hear him.

 

There’s no reply as he gets back on the bus, not that he had expected one. He glances outside and watches as Harry hesitantly makes his way back inside, then makes his way to the bunks to find Zayn.

 

“Bro,” he says when he sees Zayn messing with his phone on his bunk. He climbs into it and sits crossed-legged across from him, staring at him with concern painted over his face. “You alright?”

 

Zayn shrugs and keeps his eyes on his phone, not saying anything. Louis runs a hand through his hair out of frustration and sighs.

 

“Are you not gonna tell me why you hit him either?”

 

“He said some stupid shit,” Zayn mumbles, refusing to look up at Louis as he speaks. “I'm not apologizing.”

 

“I didn't think you would,” Louis admits. “What did he say?” he asks, his curiosity getting the better of him. He knows Zayn and he wouldn't have hit Harry unprovoked. He's not a violent person, even if he does talk himself up at times. Louis knows there had to have been something terrible to have Zayn react that way.

 

Zayn sighs and puts his phone down, staring up at Louis. “He basically said that I told you to break up with him so that I could have a shot with you,” he mutters, rolling his eyes as Louis frowns. “He also implied that I was taking advantage of you- Fucking bullshit.”

 

“Taking advantage of me?  What the hell did he mean by that?”

 

Zayn diverts his eyes down, at the mattress.  “He uh, said I was taking advantage of you, like...sexually.”

 

Louis’ eyes go wide, but he stays silent as he takes it in, biting his lip. “He said that?” he asks in a soft spoken tone after the information has processed. It's not something he would have thought Harry would say, especially not about him and Zayn.

 

“No, I just hit him for no reason,” Zayn says sarcastically, rolling his eyes. Louis sighs and shakes his head, glancing down at his hands in his lap. “Whatever, break ups bring out the worst in people. Not saying I regret hitting him, but that’s probably why he said it.”

 

“Me and you, though?” Louis glances back up towards Zayn and raises an eyebrow. “Certainly he couldn’t genuinely think something was going on between us.” As close as Zayn and Louis were, they weren’t _that_ close. Louis had never thought of Zayn in that way and he can be certain that it was mutual for Zayn as well. They were best friends and nothing more, nothing like Harry and Louis had been. He doesn’t understand why and how Harry would feel _threatened_ by Zayn.

 

Zayn snorts and shakes his head. “Right? You’re not my type.”

 

Louis shoves him playfully and rolls his eyes. “Fuck off. You’d be lucky to have me,” he defends, fixing his fringe. “You’re an asshole, anyways. I have higher standards.”

 

“Standards don’t get any higher than me,” Zayn replies, a smirk playing at his lips.

 

“I beg to differ,” Louis teases, smiling softly. Zayn laughs and shakes his head, putting his phone down and pulling Louis into a hug. It stays quiet between them, the silence setting them at ease with each other. Louis is overtaken with a sense of serenity and security in Zayn’s arms, burying his face in his best friend’s shoulder and suddenly being overwhelmed with an unexpected wave of emotions he hadn’t known he was holding in.

 

He’s been trying to fool himself that he can handle all of this. He’s strong enough to handle a breakup in the middle of a world tour and album promotion. This is what he signed up for, whether he likes it or not. He can’t let his emotions get the best of him.

 

Except, he’s only human. It’s only been four days since the break up and he can’t help it if he starts crying into Zayn’s shoulder, because this is all _so much_ for him to handle in such a short amount of time. He’s been suppressing all of his emotions since the day he found out, putting on a facade so the boys and the fans don’t realize that something’s wrong. He’d always been the strong one and he couldn’t let them all down now.

 

Louis cries into Zayn’s shoulder silently, letting out the short, soft gasps as he tries to calm himself down. Zayn holds him tightly and doesn’t say anything, knowing that this was what Louis’s needed for the past few days. The break up hadn’t seemed to have affected him as much as Zayn thought it would, especially after Louis had told him the details of the conversation and a quick recap of what went on after. It’s as though Louis had put up a guard, pretending everything was fine when he knew he was having trouble stomaching everything surrounding the situation.

 

Louis pulls himself together, pushing away from Zayn slowly and wiping his eyes with the sleeves of his sweater. “I’m sorry,” he starts, his voice cracking slightly. He runs a hand through his hair and glances up from his lap to look at Zayn, biting his lip anxiously.

 

A familiar silence fills the space between them once again, Louis darting his eyes to Zayn’s lips quickly as he finds himself wondering what would happen if he were to just lean in and kiss him. He goes over the possible scenarios and outcomes in his head before he clears and thoughts and focuses on only Zayn being sat in front of him, looking as though he’s _waiting_ for Louis to do something.

 

He swallows quickly and begins to lean hesitantly, his curiosity getting the best of him. There’s a voice at the back of his head telling him that this is a bad idea, as though Zayn’s going to pull back at any second and ridicule him for wanting this in the first place. Yet, Louis’s lips are inching closer to Zayn’s own and there’s no sign of stopping this coming from either of them.

 

Zayn gently puts his hand on the back of Louis’s head, prepared to close what’s left of the space between them before they’re interrupted by a knock on the bus door. Louis jumps back from Zayn, startled, looking towards the front of the bus.

 

“What?” Zayn shouts, getting off of the bunk and walking towards the door. Louis watches him, but avoids eye contact, fiddling with the sleeves on his hoodie while trying to ignore how hot his cheeks feel.

 

Louis hears Liam at the door, telling Zayn that they had to start getting ready to head to rehearsals. He sighs and hides his face in his hands, hoping maybe him and Zayn can pretend this never happened and things won’t be weird between them. Over three years of friendship and he’d hate for all of it to be ruined because of some accidental, near kiss.

 

Zayn comes back to the bunk a couple minutes later, sighing and quickly running a hand through his hair. “Rehearsal in twenty minutes,” he mumbles, looking anywhere but at Louis.

 

Louis nods slowly and stands up, not bothering to get changed out of his sweats. He grabs a beanie off of wherer he tossed in on his bunk the night before, pulling it on in a rush. He debates with himself for a few seconds before sighing and turning to face Zayn. “For the record, you’re incredibly slow,” he says, hoping it had come off as banter and not as his nerves taking over him.

 

Zayn pauses before looking over at him and raising an eyebrow, but Louis can tell from the slightly delayed reaction that he hadn’t been expecting Louis to even bring it up, let alone make a _joke_ about it.

 

“Yeah?” he challenges and Louis shrugs in response, crossing his arms and biting his lip. “I’ll make sure to be faster next time.” Zayn smiles after he speaks and Louis feels at ease with everything that's happened within the past ten minutes.

 

He nods and turns back around, toeing on his Vans and smiling to himself while he waits for Zayn to get changed. _Crisis averted,_ he thinks to himself as Zayn wraps an arm around his shoulder and leads him off the bus.

 

* * *

 

The issue with Louis keeping secrets from his bandmates is the fact that he spends _so much_ time with them, that they start to notice when things aren't right. The bright side is, Zayn reads Louis the easiest, so he didn't have to worry since Zayn knows everything.The downside is that Liam picks up on things quick. Louis can notice him sending him concerned looks during rehearsals and it's taking everything in him to not to just blurt that him and Harry broke up. He hates the feeling of keeping something from someone, especially when that person is like a _brother_ to him.

 

Louis manages to avoid him for a week, managing to have Zayn distract each time he needs to sneak out the room. It's a good, effective plan him and Zayn have going on. Saves him the trouble of having to lie to Liam and make a mess of things later on when him and Harry decide to tell the boys what’s really going on.

 

Only, that all comes crashing down when Zayn's late to rehearsal due to a phone call from his mum, leaving Louis to wave Liam off on his own. It works for a while, hiding in the bathroom and messing with their crew to throw him off for a bit, but eventually he runs out of things to distract Liam with and he finds himself being approached right after they go over the second song off the setlist.

 

“Louis,” Liam says, sitting down beside him on the stage. Louis groans internally, his eyes darting around the arena to see if there's someone or something that could get him out of this one. Unfortunately for him, there isn't and he’s stuck having this dreaded conversation. “Is everything alright with you and H?”

 

Louis looks over at Liam and feigns a smiles, nodding. “Yeah yeah, we’re alright. Just a bit of a disagreement, is all,” he lies through his teeth, making sure there's not a hint of dishonesty evident in his voice. All of those acting classes he had taken when he was younger better pay off now.

 

“Are you sure?” Liam presses, giving Louis that concerned face all the boys always tease him for. Louis just nods reassuringly and lets out a sigh of relief when he sees Zayn walking towards the stage.

 

“Payno, Caroline says she needs you for something in wardrobe,” Zayn says, climbing on stage and sitting on the other side of Louis. Liam nods quickly and gets off the platform, hurrying off to wardrobe while Zayn wraps an arm over Louis's shoulders and smiles. “What would you do without me?”

 

Louis rolls his eyes and shrugs Zayn’s arm off, standing up and hopping off the stage. “Don’t get smug,” he tells him. Zayn laughs and follows Louis off the stage, leaning his elbow on Louis’s shoulder.  “I can replace you with Niall in a heartbeat.” Louis grins. His face falls slightly when he sees Harry walk in, quickly clearly his throat and looking away before Harry manages to make eye contact with him.

 

His heart hurts more every time he so much as looks at Harry, wanting nothing more than for everything to be fine between the two of them again. He’s thought about it often, wondering what the consequences would be if he were to take back Harry immediately, but shots it down every time. That’s not what he deserved and he wouldn’t let himself believe he did. Harry needs to know that he’s the one that ruined everything, that things can simply be fixed with an _‘I love you’_ and _‘I’m sorry’_.

 

Zayn notices Louis’s sudden change in mood and looks up to where Louis had been staring, biting his lip and squeezing Louis’s shoulder reassuringly. Louis glances up at him and smiles weakly, grabbing his water bottle off of the table and leaning his back against it.

 

“I keep hoping that maybe the next time it won’t hurt as much and it just ends up hurting more,” he says quietly, not wanting anyone around them to hear. Zayn rubs his back soothingly as he grips the top of his water bottle tightly. “It’s not fair. No matter how he feels, he's not going to feel what _I_ feel.”

 

“Do you wanna sit this one out?” Zayn asks, to which Louis sighs and shakes his head. He stands straight and puts his water bottle back down, swallowing and looking towards where Niall and Harry were laughing. He could make it through rehearsal. He’s done it for the past few shows and he can do it again. The uneasy feeling at the pit of his stomach will go away eventually, just as it always does.

 

* * *

 

Waking up to Niall knocking on the bus door hasn’t happened once since Louis and Zayn had started sleeping on the bus. That is, until this morning.

 

Louis groans and sits up, running his fingers through his hair and checking the time on his phone. It's eight in the fucking morning, so Niall better have a good reason as to why his sleep is getting interrupted this early.

 

He glances over at Zayn’s bunk quickly and frowns, wondering how he could _possibly_ be sleeping through Niall pounding on the door as if there's a fire. Which, now that he thinks about it, is a totally plausible reason for Niall to wake them both up.

 

“Louis, Zayn, I know the both of you are fucking in there!” Niall yells and Louis rolls his eyes, tossing his pillow at Zayn to wake him up before making his way to the door. He opens it with a raised eyebrow, waiting for Niall to give his explanation on why he sounded so frantic at this hour.

 

“Do you know what time it is?” he hears Zayn yell from his bunk behind him. He waves him off and looks back down at Niall, who’s peeking his head around the inside of the bus before focusing his attention back on Louis.

 

“Liam and Harry are fighting inside,” Niall says. Louis blinks, taking a minute to process the statement before looking at Niall with wide eyes and mumbling a string of swears. He turns around and grabs his hoodie, figuring he can do without his shoes as he follows Niall off the bus and rushes inside.

 

“Over what?” Louis asks, any trace of tiredness having disappeared from his voice.

 

“You, apparently. I don't fucking know.  Harry and I were at breakfast and Liam came in yelling at him about you.” Niall stops the both of them in their tracks and looks directly at him. “What's going on? First Zayn, now Liam. What did Harry do?”

 

Louis frowns, looking down the hall to where he can hear Liam yelling. How could Liam have possibly found out about him and Harry? Maybe he saw the picture, but he couldn't have known they actually _broke up_ because of it unless someone had told him. Harry wouldn't have to save himself the embarrassment and ruined reputation. Louis obviously hasn't and it couldn't be Niall because he doesn't know either. All that leaves is…

 

“Fucking hell,” Louis mutters, ignoring Niall’s question in favor of the sound of plates breaking in the room the fight was going on. He runs down the hallway and into the room, his eyes widening when he sees Liam has Harry pinned to the ground. This is what he had wanted to avoid. The tour was nearly over and he would like all of them to try and make it in one piece.

 

“What the fuck is wrong with you!” Liam yells as Harry struggles to get out from underneath his hold. “For fucks sake Harry, you promised him!”

 

Louis’s breath hitches when Liam says promised, only getting distracted as Niall comes up behind him and places an arm on his shoulder. “I'm getting Paul,” he says from behind him and Louis nods, torn between intervening or letting Paul handle it when he gets here. This is already ten times worse than what happened between Zayn and Harry last time, and who knows how far it could escalate by the time Niall gets back.

 

Another plate breaks and Louis springs into action.  “Liam!” Louis yells, walking further into the room and grabbing the back of Liam’s shirt in an attempt to pull him off of Harry. Liam doesn't let up though, and accidentally shoves Louis off of him and to the ground as he tries to have another go at Harry.  He sees Liam raise his fist in the air, and Louis nearly let’s Liam do it; Lord knows Harry deserves it.  That won’t solve any of the group's’ immediate problems though, so Louis needs to do something.  “Liam, stop!”

 

Liam pauses and glances over at Louis, his eyes finally softening.  He slowly puts his hand down, and Louis sighs in relief.  Louis swallows and looks down as Paul and Preston rush into the room.  Paul pulls Liam off of Harry and Preston helps him up slowly, checking for injuries.  Liam shoots Louis an apologetic look before he shakes Pail off of him angrily.  He narrows his eyes at Harry one final time and storms out of the room, door slamming behind him.

 

Louis stands up slowly, brushing himself off and tries to ignore the feeling of Harry staring him down. He glances up and makes eye contact with him briefly before Paul drags Harry’s attention away with a barrage of questions.  Louis uses that as an excuse to slip out of the room, not able to take another second there in case Harry or Paul tries to talk to him about what had transpired.

 

He throws his hoodie off once he gets onto the bus, surprised to see Zayn’s kept himself awake the whole time instead of going back to bed as he usually does.

 

Louis frowns, standing in front of where Zayn’s sitting on his phone and crossing his arms. “Did you tell him?” he blurts right off the bat. Zayn looks up from his phone and furrows his brows in confusion. Louis sighs. “Did you tell Liam about me and Harry?” he rephrases.

 

Zayn's face immediately falls as he sits up straight, opening his mouth to speak. “Lou-” He starts, but Louis shakes his head, narrowing his eyes.

 

“You weren't supposed to tell _anyone,_ ” Louis stresses. “Harry and I were going to do it eventually. It wasn't your place! Now Liam knows, Niall probably knows now, too. Should we go tell the fans, as well? Out myself while we’re at it?” he rants, the frustration evident in his voice. Zayn sits quietly and doesn't say anything, keeping his eyes on Louis.

 

Louis thinks about the look Liam had given him before he left the room, his stomach tightening at the thought that comes immediately after. Liam feels sorry for him, of course, but what if his image of Louis is skewed now? Louis was supposed to be the leader, someone all of the boys looked up to. Who would want to look up to someone whose boyfriend cheated on them? Who would follow an example like that?

 

“Fuck,” Louis swears. “Liam probably thinks I'm some pathetic loser that can't keep his fucking boyfriend faithful. The way he looked at me, I hate that. God, fuck you, Zayn. I trusted you with this and you-”

 

He’s cut off by Zayn standing and pressing his lips against Louis’s own. Louis instantly softens, all angry thoughts and frustrations cleared from his head. All he can think about in this moment right now is _Zayn._ Zayn's kissing him, and he's kissing back.  In the back of his head he knows how wrong this is, that this is even happening in the first place. His stomach twists itself into a thousand knots, and it swoops dangerously, as if he’s about to be nauseous.

 

For some reason though, he can’t pull away.

 

Louis wraps his arms around Zayn's neck as Zayn rests his hands on Louis's waist. Zayn doesn't kiss the same way Harry does, Louis notes. Harry kissing him had always come off as gentle and soft, even when it had meant to be rough. Harry put all of his feelings into a single kiss every time, yet still treated Louis as if he were fragile and could break underneath his lips easily.

 

Zayn kissing him, though, feels rough and desperate, as though he would lose him at any given moment. It's gives Louis a type of rush and thrill that he hasn’t had with Harry since the beginning of their X-Factor day. Knowing that they shouldn't be doing this and that they should both be off limits to each other. It's a risk they're both taking, but Louis can’t bring himself to care. He wants this. He’s needed to feel genuinely _wanted_ since everything’s happened and here it finally was. Zayn _wants_ him.

He pushes Zayn back onto the chair he had been sitting in before without breaking the kiss, straddling him and threading his fingers through his hair. “ _Zayn,”_ he says desperately as Zayn pulls at his t-shirt, breaking away long enough for him to pull his shirt off and for both of them to catch their breath.

 

Zayn’s eyes dart over Louis's body as he breathes quickly, running his hands over Louis’s chest and staring at Louis with lust-filled eyes. “God, Lou,” he says in a rushed breath. “You're so fucking beautiful.” He leans back up and brings his lips to Louis’s again, only for the both of them to pull aways when there's a knock at the bus door.

 

Louis sighs in frustration, getting off of Zayn's lap and grabbing his t-shirt from wear he tosses it. He pulls it back on as Zayn stands up and goes to get the door, turning around and raising an eyebrow and Zayn returns with an annoyed and confused Niall in tow.

 

“Is someone gonna tell me what the fuck has been going on?” Niall demands. Louis blinks and glances quickly at Zayn before he looks back at Niall and bites his lip.

 

“Harry and I broke up,” he says cautiously, watching Niall’s for a reaction. Niall’s face softens immediately and he steps forward, wrapping his arms around Louis in a tight embrace. Louis hugs him back, but his mind wanders off to if Niall can tell that him and Zayn had only been minutes away from hooking up.

 

He feels a twinge of guilt when he thinks about it. He knows he shouldn’t. What he was doing wasn’t _wrong_. He was certainly single and was allowed to be with who he wanted, but he still couldn’t help but feel like he had been doing something he shouldn’t be. Then again, maybe making out with your best friend right after a bad break was supposed to make you feel shittier than the initial situation did.

 

“Why, Lou?” Niall asks. Louis swallows and buries his face in Niall’s shoulder, hoping Zayn takes the hint to speak so he doesn’t have to.

 

“You know that picture of H and Paige, mate?” Zayn says right on cue, to which Louis is forever grateful for. Or he might be, considering none of this would be happening if Zayn had managed to keep his mouth shut in the first place.

 

Niall nods slowly before realizing why Zayn’s brought it up and freezes. Louis doesn’t know what to say about it, now. All of the boys knew now and this is exactly what he had wanted to avoid since it’d happen. The last time they had all held information this important was when Louis and Harry had properly gotten together right after X-Factor.

 

It feels like it had been ages ago that they had been standing in front of the boys, Louis hesitant to speak up while Harry grabbed Louis’s hand proudly and told the boys that they had made things official and they were in a relationship. Louis had felt both relieved yet nervous about it, because he felt as though he should have been able to easily say it.

 

He felt like that moment had set him up to be the one who was _disappointed_ in himself, even though that wasn’t the case. He’s just not always as loud and outspoken s people tend to make him out to be, and that was one of the moments that his quietness had gotten the best of him. On any other occasion, he would’ve love to scream out how completely, madly in love he was with Harry Styles, but the words got caught in his throat and he couldn’t find a way to get them out.

 

That moment was a lot like this one, only Louis now needs Zayn to say what he meant to say, yet couldn’t. It’s hard for him to admit certain things and could he really be blamed that this was one of them? First he had to deal with Liam knowing, and now he has to go through Niall finding out while he’s in the same room. At least with Liam he didn’t have to watch as the room slowly filled with pitiful stares and concern for him.

 

“Three years,” is all Louis manages to say, speaking softly. Niall, thankfully, doesn’t press on the subject, simply rubbing Louis’s back and holding him tightly. “We’d made it three years and now it’s just, done.”

 

“I’m so sorry, Louis,” Niall tells him. Louis doesn’t reply, only pulling away from the hug and staring down at the ground. He feels like he’s on the verge of tears, but Zayn and Niall both have their eyes on him and he wasn’t about to let himself cry in front of the both of them. Maybe if it had only been Zayn, but he’s shown enough vulnerability in front of Niall today. He didn’t want to make it any worse.

 

“It’s fine,” Louis says breathlessly,looking back up and giving a weak smile. H’d been perfectly fine playing pretend for the past week, he could manage it a little more. There wasn’t long left of the tour, he could make it that long letting everyone think he was fine.

 

He sees Zayn’s facial expression change of the corner of his eye, but he doesn’t react. He knows that Zayn can tell he’s lying, because all he’s done the past few weeks was cry to Zayn about how he’s _not_ fine. How he feels like everything is breaking from underneath him and he can’t do anything to keep the pieces together. It’s eventually all going to be gone and he’s gonna be left there with nothing to hold him.

* * *

  


Louis promises himself that what happened with Zayn wouldn’t happen again. It’s not that he hadn’t enjoyed it, he did, and that was the reason he couldn’t let it happen a second time.

 

Zayn was his best friend and had been for the past five years, Louis couldn’t do anything to mess that up. At the moment, Zayn was the only person he genuinely had at his side and he doesn’t know what he’d do if that support were to be taken from him. Of course, he now has Niall and Liam there for him, but it wasn’t the same sense of security Louis had grown to feel with Zayn.

 

The real issue is, he keeps finding himself wanting to do whatever that had been again. He eyes always trails down to Zayn's mouth, even when he isn't speaking, and it's a constant state of missing the feeling of Zayn’s lips against his own. He shouldn't _want_ Zayn in the way that he does, but the feeling has only grown stronger in the days that have passed since the first time.

 

So what Louis decides to do instead, is break his promise to himself. He's never been one to follow rules, so he certainly wouldn't begin now. He's the type of person who doesn't stop wanting something until he has it, so he'd just have to give into his wants and fantasies. Even if just for a moment.

 

Louis follows Zayn out onto the bus after their show quietly, biting his lip and shoving his hands in the pocket of his jeans.

 

“Mate, d’you wanna watch a movie? I'm too buzzed to go to bed-” Zayn's quickly cut off by Louis turning him around and kissing him desperately as soon as the bus door is closed.

 

He knows he comes off as eager, but the thought slips his mind as Zayn kisses back, resting his hands on Louis’s waist. Louis wraps his arms around Zayn's neck, gasping softly when Zayn's hands find their way up Louis's shirt.

 

“Shit, Louis,” Zayn mumbles against Louis's lips, pulling away briefly and resting his forehead on Louis's while he catches his breath. “Could’ve warned me.”

 

Louis laughs breathlessly and smiles. “I'm not one for spoiling surprises,” he tells him before leaning forward to kiss him again. He's relieved at how easy it is for them to still banter with each other, even in an unusual situation like this one.

 

Zayn leads him back to one of the couches, being sure not to break the kiss as they move.  When the two of them reach their destination they tumble down together in an uncoordinated mess.  Louis’ back hits the couch with a thud as Zayn lands on top of him.  Zayn snickers into the curve of his neck and in retaliation, Louis pinches the exposed skin of his hip.  

 

“Ow! Lou those aren’t the kind of bruises you should be making right now.”

 

“Oh my mistake, maybe these are more your speed?” Louis immediately nips at the skin stretching over Zayn’s jaw before attaching his lips more firmly.  He sucks and bites until there’s a decently sized dark spot left.  Zayn shudders above him and Louis smirks in satisfaction.  He can feel Zayn swelling in his jeans, and Louis’ own cock gives an involuntary twitch at the thought.

 

With a little bit of effort, Louis manages to switch their positions without either of them falling to the floor.  Zayn stares up at him with a surprised look on his face.  “What was ‘at for?” Zayn inquires.  Louis chuckles and leans down to kiss him softly, a simple close-mouthed press of lips.  The chastity of the kiss is soon lost however, and it quickly devolves into something much dirtier.  Both of them begin to minutely grind their hips into each other, like two horny teenagers.

 

Eventually Louis brings it to a halt, even though his cock is beginning to ache in the confines of his jeans.  Zayn groans quietly and thrusts up, seeking the friction Louis was providing.  Louis bites his lip, nearly throwing his plan to the wind and just letting him and Zayn get off in their pants.  He wills himself to lift himself off of Zayn’s hips.

 

“Wanna blow you,” Louis pants.  He slides down into the v of Zayn’s legs, and he drags his hands up and palms the prominent bulge in front of his face.  His mouth waters, and as clearly proven by his current situation, Louis never could resist temptation.

 

He knows that this should be weird.  In the back of his head he _knows_ how fucked up this whole situation is.  This was never part of their relationship before, and Louis’ never had any feelings for Zayn in the past.  ‘ _That’s because you only had eyes for Harry,’_ the voice in his head tells him.  Which, _ouch_.  That brings a lot of painful memories to the surface that Louis doesn’t want to think about while Louis has someone else’s dick in his mouth.  Because while Louis only ever had eyes for Harry, clearly the feeling wasn’t mutual.  

 

Anyways, Louis knows how bad of an idea this is okay?  He just finds it really hard to care when Zayn is making these obscene noises below him as if Louis is sucking his brain out through his dick.

 

By the time Zayn comes, Louis’ jaw aches and he’s sure his cock is going to explode.  Zayn pushes him onto his back to return the favor, and Louis thinks that as fucked up as this is, right now it’s hard for him to see just where this whole thing can go wrong.

* * *

 

Louis and Zayn spend the last few days of the tour distanced from the other boys, getting so caught up in each other that they don’t realize the other boys’ concerns. Zayn doesn’t at least. Louis can always feel Niall staring at the two of them when they walk into rehearsals together, or when they’re together at breakfast. He’s positive that Niall doesn’t actually know anything, but the possibility that he _does_ won’t stop circling in the back of his mind.

 

He’s figured that there’s multiple things wrong with the situation at hand. Not only has he been hooking up with his best friend behind the backs of his other best friends, but it’s happened to be only a couple of weeks after _officially_ broken up with his boyfriend. Not only that, but things were already tense with all of them and Harry. He couldn’t make things tense with them and Zayn, too.

 

Him and Zayn spent more time on the bus with each other, either getting high or making out, sometimes both, than they did spending time with the other boys. There’s been times where they’ve dismissed Liam or Niall’s offers of hanging out just to have time alone to themselves.

 

It’s not that they wanted to distance themselves from the others, it was just easier that way. Louis couldn’t be around the others for too long without thinking that somehow they _knew_ about him and Zayn. It didn’t matter how many times Zayn assured him that they wouldn’t know, the thought wouldn’t vanish.

 

“Do you think Niall knows?” Louis asks Zayn the night before the last show, staring down at his phone.

 

“Does Niall know what?” Zayn replies as he sits down on the bunk beside him. Louis glances up at him and frowns.

 

“About us. This, whatever this is,” he says, looking back down at his phone. They hadn’t exactly talked about what this was, not that they really needed to. Louis knows it wasn’t going to escalate to anything more than, well, friends with benefits for lack of a better term.

 

Zayn rolls his eyes, leaning over and kissing Louis’s jaw. “Why would he know?” Louis doesn’t pay him any mind, scrolling through his twitter feed and shrugging.

 

“Dunno. He was staring at us today. Why would he be doing that if he didn’t think anything?” Louis thinks about it and sighs. He didn’t want things to turn out this complicated. It was just nice to be able to take his mind off of everything that’s happened. To feel wanted after all this time thinking that maybe he wasn’t good enough.

 

“Maybe you had something on your face,” Zayn mutters, sliding his hand up Louis’s shirt. Louis doesn’t react, turning his head to look at Zayn with an upset expression on his face. Zayn sighs and lays his head on Louis’s shoulder, “Lou, don’t worry about it. This is Niall we’re talking about. He doesn’t even know when we’re coordinating outfits for award shows.”

 

Louis bites his lip, before letting out a breath and nodding. “Yeah, I guess you’re right,” he mumbles, tossing his phone to the side and laying back on the bunk across from where Zayn was sitting.

 

“M’always right,” Zayn says and Louis rolls his eyes, shoving him with his foot playfully and smiling softly. “But like I said, stop worrying about it. How would he know, anyways? Not like we’re blatant about it. Unless he’s got his ear up against the bus door. You’re so fucking loud.”

 

Louis blushes and kicks him again, covering his face with his hands. Zayn laughs and crawls on top of him, moving his hands from his face and leaning down to kiss him. “You’re an asshole,” Louis mumbles against his lips, running his fingers through Zayn’s hair. Zayn pulls away and smirks before trailing his lips back down Louis’s jaw, tugging at Louis’s shirt. Louis takes it as a hint and pulls his t-shirt up over his head, watching as Zayn leans back down and presses his lips against his collarbones.

 

“Remember that conversation we had a few weeks ago? About what it’d be like if it was just the two of us?” Louis asks aimlessly, staring up at the ceiling of the bunk while Zayn goes down on him. Zayn glances up at him and nods quickly before resuming unbuttoning Louis’s jeans. “Maybe we should do that.”

 

“What?” Zayn asks, pausing for a minute and staring at Louis with a raised eyebrow. “What do you mean? Like- Actually leave the band?” Louis nods. “Thought you said you couldn’t?”

 

“Because that’s when I had a reason,” he replies. “I don’t have much of a reason to stay now, do I? I mean, the fans, obviously. The boys, I guess. But it’s not like I was really… needed much, anyways. Dunno about you, though. Don’t know where the band would be with you.”

 

“Oh shut up,” Zayn tells him, rolling his eyes. “The band needs you as much as they need me. It’s not the same without any of us.” Louis doesn’t reply, keeping his eyes on the ceiling and swallowing. Zayn keeps his eyes on him for a few more seconds before returning to what he was doing previously, pulling down Louis’s jeans.

 

“Do you want to? Leave, I mean. I think...I want to,” Louis says a moment later, biting his lip. “Would you go with me?”

 

“Might as well. Everything else here is just bullshit without you there,” he tells him. Louis props himself on his elbows and glances down at him, raising an eyebrow. “It’s already kind of shit, but at least you make it tolerable.”

 

“You’d really leave with me? No questions asked?” he asks curiously, watching Zayn’s face for a reaction. He knows that they’ve had this conversation before, but he can’t process the fact that Zayn would _willingly_ leave the band for him. He doesn’t even think Harry would’ve made that sacrifice for him.

 

Zayn sits up straight and shrugs. “Why not?”

 

Louis hesitates for a few seconds before nodding slowly. Fuck it, he’s got nothing left to lose.

 

“Alright then. Let’s do it.”

* * *

  


Louis finds that avoiding your ex when you don’t have any work commitments together makes life a lot easier than before. It’s not that he had a hard time avoiding Harry before, but it was hard to keep himself composed when he knew he’d have to see him at _some_ point in the day. Unfortunately, all of the boys had to attend an end of tour party, so this wouldn’t be one of those days.

 

“You’re fucking kidding me,” Louis says immediately when Eleanor points out Harry, who’s walking into the party dressed as Miley fucking Cyrus. He’s already had a few drinks and he still wasn’t drunk enough for this. “This isn’t real life.”

 

Eleanor pinches him and he quickly flinches, his hand flying to his arm. She giggles and shrugs. “Just making sure.” Louis rolls his eyes and downs what’s left of the drink in his glass. Leave it to Harry to pull some shit like this.

 

“M’gonna go see where Zayn went off to,” Louis says, setting the glass down on the counter and making his way through the crowd of people to find Zayn. He had lost him as soon as they arrived to the party, but Louis had gotten too wrapped up in a conversation with Eleanor that he hasn’t had time to search for him. That, and he was too busy ordering off different drinks he hadn’t tried before because Eleanor dared him to. Needless to say, he was far less than sober at the moment.

 

Louis wanders the party aimlessly for hours, stopping to talk to the few people he recognizes and distracting himself from what he had originally meant to do. When he manages to break himself away from a conversation with someone he’s sure he knows, he just can’t remember how, he accidentally bumps into someone else as he’s turning around. The person grabs Louis by the waist, preventing him from stumbling back and falling.

 

“Fuck, I am so sorry,” he apologizes, looking up to see who he had ran into and freezing when his eyes meet Harry’s own.

 

“Hi,” Harry says softly. Louis blinks and stares at him, still trying to process a reaction. Harry had been the last person he was planning on bumping into tonight, and he really wishes this wasn’t happening while he was drunk with smudged face paint on him.

 

“I have to go,”he manages to say, standing straight and pushing Harry’s arm off of him, He turns back around and begins walking off in the opposite direction, only to be halted by Harry grabbing his arm. Louis faces him, glances down at the arm Harry has his hand wrapped around before looking back up at Harry.

 

“Louis, can we talk?” Harry asks, his eyes pleading with Louis to say yes. Louis swallows, but nods hesitantly as Harry lets go of his arm. He follows him into a separate room, an empty one that had seemingly been closed off to the rest of the party. There’s a voice in Louis’s head that’s telling him that maybe doing this while he wasn’t sober wasn’t a good idea. He might possibly say things he doesn’t mean, or do something he could regret in the morning.

 

The smart thing to do would be to tell Harry that he didn’t want to do this right now, but instead, he stays quiet as Harry turns the light to the room on and shuts the door behind him.

 

An awkward silence immediately fills the air and Louis’s eyes dart to the ground, not sure what to do or say. He wasn’t aware of what this conversation was supposed to be about, but he could come up with a few topics in his head. He wonders briefly if this would be Harry asking him to take him back, or maybe another apology without meaning behind it. Louis’s decided that he’s had enough of those.

 

“I miss you,” Harry says to break the silence. Louis looks up and raises an eyebrow. So _that’s_ what this was going to be. “And I know I’ve said that a million times already, but I miss you more than anything. Everything about you- Your hair, your voice, your eyes, the way you take your tea, I miss all of it.”

 

Louis swallows and stares at him, his lips parting slightly. There’s hundreds of words in his mind at the moment, but he can’t seem to gather the right ones to express the way he’s feeling right now. He’s never missed anyone the way he misses Harry, but he can’t just let him back in. They both had too much they had to figure from what happened, and neither of them were going to be able to do that if Louis took him back right away.

 

“You should’ve thought of that before you-” Louis stops mid sentence, not wanting to finish what he was about to say. “I can’t do this right now. I’m drunk and I can’t think straight and I really wanna kiss you right now, but I know I can’t and...Fuck. Fuck! This isn’t fair. You hurt me and you keep saying these things that you think are going to fix it, but all they do is hurt me even more.”

 

“Louis,” Harry starts, but Louis shakes his head and cuts him off.

 

“I was so fucking happy. I had everything with you,” he mumbles, swallowing hard and wrapping his arms around himself.  “Never...Never would I have thought you’d do what you did, you know? And you can’t just fucking fix it by saying you love me and you miss me. It doesn’t work that way! It’s not fair, you’re not the one who has to sit and wonder why the fuck you weren’t enough to keep your boyfriend faithful.”

 

He feels tears welling at the corner of his eyes and he prays that he can keep himself from crying in front of Harry. That was the last thing he needed right now.

 

“Then tell me how to fix it! Shit Lou, I want to try but you won’t let me,” Harry tells him. Louis scoffs and narrows his eyes.

 

“Don’t give me that bullshit. I don’t fucking owe you anything. I don’t have to let you try, it’s not my responsibility. You fucked up. You figure it the fuck out.” He starts walking towards the door to leave, not giving Harry a chance to speak. Not that Louis wanted to hear anything else that he had to say.

 

Harry grabs his arm before he has a chance to leave, pulling him back in and kissing him. It takes Louis off guard at first, but he finds himself closing his eyes and kissing him back. There’s a thought in his mind telling him to pull away, but he’s missed this far too much to listen. It’s soft and passionate, reminding Louis of what things were like before this mess happened. Reminding him how happy he had been with Harry.

 

It’s only when Harry pulls away seconds later and rests his forehead on Louis’s, that he realizes exactly what he’s doing. Louis steps back, pulling his arm out of Harry’s grasp and shaking his head.

 

“I’m leaving,” he mumbles, opening the door and stumbling out the room before Harry has the time to do anything else.

 

He re-enters the party, leaning against one of the walls and running a hand through his hair. He tries to make sense of what had just happened, but there’s too many thoughts racing through his mind to help him figure anything out. He shakes his head, standing straight and getting ready to go back to searching for Zayn. At this point, he’d settle for anyone that wasn’t Harry.

 

“Bro!” Louis’s head snaps up when he hears Zayn’s voice, turning around and sighing in relief when he sees the other boy behind him. Zayn wraps his arm around Louis, smiling and pulling him in. “You alright? Lost you for a while.”

 

Louis nods quickly and smiles as best as he can. He debates on whether or not he wants to tell Zayn what had just happened with Harry, then decides against it. There were some things that he could do without telling anybody, including Zayn.

* * *

  


There’s times where you can just feel that a day is going to be off, and Louis was certain today was one of those days. Especially when his phone is going off at nine am with _Zayn’s_ ringtone. That was the first sign that today was going to be shit. Neither him or Zayn get up before noon on days off unless there was an emergency, so he’s sure whatever this phone was, it wasn’t good.

 

He answers it and sighs dramatically, turning over in bed and switching on the bedside table. The curtains were closed and he wasn’t exactly keen on getting up to open them for the sole purpose of natural light.

 

“What the fuck do you want at nine o’clock in the morning?” Louis mumbles, resting his arm over his eyes and attempting to get adjusted to being awake. “You realize today is our rare day off? And if anyone were to understand how important sleep was on these days, you’d think it’d be you.”

 

“Why did Harry have white paint in his hair the day after the Halloween party?” Zayn asks and Louis suddenly finds himself wide awake.

 

“What? What are you talking about?” Louis presses, sitting up and running a hand through his hair. He couldn’t have possibly been that careless. Well, he could’ve been, considering he was drunk and it wasn’t exactly his doing in the first place, but Harry should’ve known to wash it out. He definitely should know how these things go by now. They’ve only been through media training for three years now. This was _Closeted Boybanders 101_.

 

“You didn’t notice when we came back? Jesus, Lou,” Zayn mumbles, and Louis hears him tapping on his phone screen before Louis’s own goes off with a notification. Louis takes the phone away from his ear and puts it on speaker, opening his messages and looking at the pictures Zayn sent him.

 

 _Shit,_ Louis thinks, gripping his hair and tugging at it in frustration. That was most definitely white paint in Harry’s hair, and it was most likely from the paint on Louis’s face rubbing off when they had kissed. “What the fuck,” he mutters, having completely forgotten that he was on the phone with Zayn.

 

“Did something happen with you two that night? Louis, why didn’t you tell me?” Zayn questions and Louis’s too  caught up in the pictures of Harry to come up with a proper answer. So, he hangs up instead, laying back in his bed with his face in his pillows and groaning.

 

He doesn’t know whether he should be disappointed, pissed off, or embarrassed. He considers being all three for a moment, but realistically it’s too early for him to be able to handle three different emotions at once.

 

So instead, he sits back up, taking his phone and opening a new message box to Harry.

 

**_To: Harry, 9:15am_ **

_‘what the fuck’_

 

He presses send and leaves it at that, ignoring any other incoming calls or text messages from Zayn. He knows he’s going to have to deal with the consequences of that later, but he’ll deal with it when the time comes.

 

He quickly considers going back to bed and ignoring any other type of human contact for the rest of the day, but he knows he has to deal with this paint thing and Harry, so that was out of the questions. He wonders for a moment why everything seemed to be working against his favor at the moment. There was no possible way Harry conveniently forgot to wash the paint out of his hair. They had already gone through that last year, Harry _knows_ better than that.

 

Louis’s phone buzzes with a new text messages a few minutes later and he opens message preview once he reads it’s from Harry.

 

**_From: Harry, 9:17am_ **

_‘????’_

 

Louis scoffs when he reads the message, only replying with the pictures of Harry with the white paint in his hair. The response doesn’t come as quick this time and Louis shakes his head, tossing his phone to the side of his bed and deciding that gave him the answer he needed to know.

 

He lays down, staring up at the ceiling in an attempt to figure when and why everything in his life started going wrong. The whole leaving the band idea looked better and better as each day went on, because he wasn’t sure if he could take all of this anymore. It was beginning to get to be too much and he just needed a break from it all. A break that lasted longer than three or four days, that is.

 

His phone goes off with text messages three times, but he doesn’t bother to check them. He’s gotten what he needed from Harry, and he knows that all Zayn is going to do is scold him for fucking up the night of that party, so he’d much rather lay in bed and pretend all of that shit wasn’t going on at the moment.

 

Louis’s only half asleep thirty minutes later when his doorbell rings, emitting a groan from him as he forces himself up and goes to answer the door.

 

He feels as though he should be more surprised when he sees Zayn standing on the other side of his door, but considering he just spent a solid forty five minutes ignoring any form of contact from him, he’d say it was only to be expected. The true surprise here, though, is that they’ve both somehow managed to get themselves out of bed on a day off.

 

“So are you gonna tell me what happened or did I drag myself out of bed for no reason?” Zayn asks, not bothering to let Louis allow him in before he pushes his way past him.

 

Louis sighs and shuts the door, locking it and turning to face him. “Of course Zayn, come right on inside,” he says with sarcasm hinted in his voice tone. Zayn rolls his eyes and crosses his arms, raising his eyebrow and waiting for Louis to answer his initial question. “We kissed, alright asshole? I was wasted, he said he wanted to talk, we did and then he kissed me before I left. That’s all.”

 

Zayn stares at him skeptically before he lets out a breath and nods. “Alright.”

 

“That's it?” Louis says, frowning at the lack of a reaction. He didn't get out of bed for ‘ _Alright’_ and he knows Zayn didn't either.

 

He doesn't understand why Zayn had made such a big deal out of this in the first place. Yes, him and Harry kissed while they were broken up, but it's not like Louis let things go any further, or worse. He was acting as though Louis had taken him back. While the white paint thing was a messy situation, it wasn't worthy of the two of them getting out of bed at nine in the morning on their day off.

 

“Suppose,” Zayn tells him. “Why didn't you tell me?”

 

Louis shrugs, looking to the ground and avoiding any eye contact with Zayn. “Don't have to tell you everything, you know.” Zayn’s body language noticeably changes and for a moment Louis starts to feel bad. That had come out harsher than he had meant it to, but the point stands. Zayn wasn’t his parent and he wasn’t obligated to tell him everything that goes on with him.

 

“I never said you did,” Zayn says after a few seconds of silence. Louis swallows and nods before walking to the kitchen, gesturing for Zayn to follow him. Zayn does as told, shoving his hands in his pockets and leaning against the counter as Louis grabs a bowl from the cabinet and a box of cereal from the cupboard. “Where is he, then?”

 

“Don’t know. He said he’d stay somewhere else while we’re here,” Louis utters, pouring his bowl and propping himself on the counter and swinging his feet aimlessly. “It’s quiet being here alone.”

 

“You get used to it after a while,” Zayn says. Louis just rolls his eyes, but smiles softly and swirls his spoon in his bowl. “Have you asked him about the paint?”

 

Louis nods and sets aside his bowl, knowing he was too distracted to finish right now. “Yeah. I haven’t read his reply yet. It’s kind of fucked up, though. He did that shit on purpose.”

 

“You think? Not like he has anything to gain.”

 

“Just trust me on it, Zee,” Louis says, getting off the counter and dumping his bowl in the sink. Zayn owes him another bowl of cereal, he hates letting it get soggy and go to waste. “Now, I’m going back to bed, because it's ten in the morning and the rules clearly state that we’re supposed to sleep til noon on days off.”

 

Zayn raises an eyebrow, following Louis as he goes back upstairs. “The rules? If that’s so, then I’m not going all the way back home now that I’m here. You’re gonna have to share your bed, bro.”

 

Louis rolls his eyes and gets back on his side of the bed, grabbing his phone from the other side and setting it on his nightstand. “Get in, then. No one told you to come over in the first place.”

 

“Well you weren’t answering your phone,” Zayn mumbles, shrugging off his jacket and pulling his t-shirt over his head. Louis doesn’t turn to face him while he does it, not wanting to get caught string. It’s happened before too many times and Zayn refuses to ever let him get away with it.

 

He waits until he feels Zayn weight on the other side of the bed to turn and face him. “I was doing important things. Like avoiding responsibilities and society.”

 

Zayn laughs and shakes his head, moving closer to Louis. Louis doesn’t move back or react uncomfortably, but instead bites his lip and moves forward until their noses are nearly touching. It’s quiet for a few seconds, prompting Louis to lean in and close the space between them by pressing his lips against Zayn’s softly. It’s not like any of the other times they’ve kissed, where it was rushed and messy because they were afraid they’d be caught or interrupted. Instead, it’s soft and slow, the most gentle that they’ve ever been with each other.

 

Zayn sits up slightly, caressing Louis’s cheek and deepening the kiss. Louis melts into it, slowly shutting his eyes before pulling away and taking a breath. He opens his eyes and stares ahead at Zayn, biting his lip and staying silent. Zayn pulls him in, wrapping his arms around him and holding him close.

 

They stay like that for a moment before Zayn lays them both back down, making sure he still has his arms around him. Louis doesn't say this out loud, but he's never felt more safe than in this moment since everything cam crashing down.

 

* * *

 

“This is bullshit,” Zayn mumbles when him and Louis walk into the studio for what their team has decided would be _1D Day._ Louis runs a hand through his hair tiredly and takes a sip out of his Starbucks cup, shrugging. “Seven hours of us doing what? Media trained shit?”

 

“It won’t be that bad, m’sure,” Louis tries, but Zayn scoffs and rolls his eyes. “Look, we just have to put up with this shit for a few more months then we can be done, alright? Just keep putting that media training to good use.”

 

Zayn sighs but nods, crossing his arms and following Louis to wardrobe. The other three boys were already there, Harry sitting with Lou at hair and makeup while Niall and Liam were still getting themselves dressed

 

“Who’s idea was it to let the two who are always late arrive together?” Liam asks, pulling his t-shirt over his head. Louis rolls his eyes and flips Liam off, putting his cup down on one of the tables and going to the rack that had his clothes on it.

 

“We’re here, aren't we?” Louis says, looking back at Liam and raising an eyebrow. “Could’ve slept in. Not shown up at all.” He wishes he were joking, but his alarm had gone off early enough that he spent about five extra minutes in bed contemplating exactly how important this was to him and if he would get up for it. His snooze alarm gave him his final answer and here he was now.

 

“And then gotten told off,” Niall adds, grinning. Louis shrugs.

 

“Wouldn't be the first time, mate,” he says, grabbing one of the outfits Caroline had set out for him. In the three years that he's been in the band, he’s sure that their team has some sort of chart of how many times they’ve had to scold him and Zayn for pulling some “not allowed” bullshit. They had both made it their personal goals to see how many buttons they could push without breaking anything within their contracts. It was a difficult task, yes, but they managed to get the job done.

 

Louis pulls his shirt over his head and tugs on the white t-shirt and denim button up, not bothering to do up the buttons. He can tell that both Zayn and Harry have their eyes on him as he changes, although Harry’s far less subtle than Zayn.

 

He doesn’t pay either of them any attention, toeing off his shoes and stripping out of his joggers before pulling on the pair of jeans set out for him and lacing his Vans back on. He runs a hand through his hair and glances over to where Harry’s sitting, to which Harry quickly looks down as though he hadn’t been staring.

 

“H and I are gonna be on the second hour,” Liam says, grabbing Louis’s attention. Louis nods, glancing towards Zayn. Zayn tugs his t-shirt over his head and nods, sitting on one of the chairs and taking his phone out of his pocket.

 

Louis sits beside him, watching out of the corner of his eye as Harry gets up from where he was sitting and leaves the room without another word. He frowns for a moment before shaking his head and looking back to Zayn.

 

“We only have four hours on the live stream each,” Louis says quietly when Niall and Liam get caught up in their own conversation. “Me and Niall after Harry and Liam. You and Liam after that, then me and you after Harry and Niall. It won’t be that bad.”

 

Zayn looks over at him and raises an eyebrow. “Did you even convince yourself?” he asks and Louis shrugs.

 

“More or less,” he mumbles. Lou calls him to go get his hair done and he sighs, standing up and giving Zayn a reassuring look before going to sit in front of Lou. Zayn goes to stand beside him a few seconds later, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. “How sweet of you to keep me company,” Louis teases, smiling.

 

Zayn rolls his eyes but smiles back, shrugging. “Niall and Liam are talking about something I don’t understand. You’re my only option.”

 

“Second choice? Shit bro, thought I was better than that,” Louis says, feigning disappointment as Zayn laughs and shakes his head.

 

“You know you’re my number one, bro,” Zayn replies. Louis sticks his tongue out at him and grins, trying not to move to much so Lou doesn’t accidentally mess up the progress she’s already made with his hair. “You think they realize we know the album leaked?”

 

Louis scoffs and looks ahead at the mirror. “They know we know. Doesn’t mean we get to act like we know.”

 

“Our team thinks we’re idiots, Louis,” Zayn says with a sigh. Louis glances over at him and smirks.

 

“Yeah, no shit,” he replies. “They’ve thought that for the past three years, mate.” He only wishes that were a lie, except him and Zayn both know that even after all this time, their team still saw the entire group as those naive teenagers they had been on _The X-Factor_. That’s not who they were anymore, yet it’s still how people seemed to think they could treat them.

 

Louis stands up when Lou’s finished with his hair and makeup, switching places with Zayn and standing against the wall as Lou starts on his hair and makeup. He glances over at Liam and Niall, briefly thinking what their reactions would be if they knew that him and Zayn had plans to leave. He’s tried not to think about that since they’d decided they would, knowing it’d only make him regret the decision.

 

“Louis,” Zayn says, smacking Louis’s arm gently and gesturing towards the door. “Gotta go.” Louis quickly nods, erasing the thoughts from his head and following the other three boys out the room.

* * *

 

When he was younger, Louis loved his birthday. It had always been expected of him to hate that he was born on Christmas Eve, but the date had never bothered him. Maybe he did get a few less gifts than his sisters did, but it’s not as though he ever cared about how many he received. He was just happy to get any at all.

 

He had always been in love with the fact that it was always snowing around his birthday. He loved being able to point out the Christmas lights and decorations and say that they were for him because he always felt as though they were. His favorite part, though, had been his mum telling him that he was her favorite Christmas present each and every year. That’s what had mattered most to him.

 

Now, though, everything feels different. He can’t tell if he’s grown used to having Harry around for his birthday, or maybe it’s the fact that he keeps walking under mistletoe at his mum’s house and it’s just a constant reminder that this time he hasn’t got anyone to kiss underneath it. Whatever it was, he hates the feeling and wish that it’d vanish just for a moment so he can genuinely enjoy his birthday.

 

“If Louis gets to open a present today then I think we all should,” Phoebe states from where she’s sat on the floor in front of the tv. Louis scoffs, glancing down at the present sitting in his lap.

 

“It’s my _birthday,_ ” he reminds her smugly, running his fingers over the gift wrap. It was perfectly wrapped at the corners, a bow placed right at the top with a gift tag poking out from underneath it. Written on it, in perfect handwriting, was ‘ _From Harry’_ and ‘ _To Louis’._

 

It’s not like this was the first gift he’s ever received from Harry. He’s, of course, gotten plenty from him in past. Only, that was when they had been _together_ and it was expected of both of them to get the other a gift. Now, they’re broken up and Louis’s sitting at home on Christmas Eve with a twinge of guilt in his stomach because he made the assumption that he wouldn’t be obligated to get Harry a gift.

 

“That just means you’re old,” Daisy pipes from beside her twin, looking over at Louis with the same smug grin he had on his own face seconds ago. Louis frowns immediately and rolls his eyes as Lottie laughs across from him on the sofa.

 

“Oi, you’ve still got a whole other day to wait until you get to open your gifts from me.” He raises an eyebrow and smirks when they all close their mouths and look back up to the show they were watching. “That’s what I thought.”

 

He stares at the gift again and traces his fingers on the edges of the paper, tapping them against one of the pieces of tape and contemplating whether or not he should open it. It was only a gift, after all. It’s not like anything Harry does to him now could be any worse than what’s already happened.

 

 _Fuck it,_ he thinks, slipping his finger underneath one of the open spots and beginning to tear at the paper. He pulls at it and gets one side open before his phone starts going off from beside him, startling him and causing him to accidentally rip the edge of the wrapping paper.

 

He groans and grabs his phone, looking at the caller id and frowning when he sees Zayn’s contact name pop up on the screen. “Fucking Zayn,” he mumbles, trying to keep quiet enough that none of the girls hear him swear.

 

“Heard that,” Lottie says.

 

“Shut up,” Louis immediately replies, answering his phone and standing up. He grabs the gift and leaves the room, going upstairs to his bedroom and shutting the door. “What do you want.”

 

“Don’t be an asshole, I was calling to tell you happy birthday,” Zayn snaps back and Louis sighs, sitting on his bed and laying back. “Got anything good?”

 

“I wouldn’t know,” he mutters, staring up at his ceiling. “I was opening a gift as soon as you called me. You, my friend, have the worst timing imaginable.” He lifts his hand and stares at it aimlessly before setting it back down beside him and sitting up straight. “Tell me what you got me.”

 

Zayn snorts and Louis can practically feel him roll his eyes over the phone. “Who says I got you anything?”

 

“I said you did. So what’d you get me?” Louis asks again, drawing shapes on his thigh with his fingers. “You have to tell me, it’s my birthday.” He smirks as he says it, standing up and pacing the front of his room. The birthday card had always worked with Harry when it came to his gifts, although it weren’t as though Harry had been good at hiding his gifts anyways. Louis had always managed to get it out of him the day before his birthday.

 

“Nice try. Not telling you,” Zayn replies and Louis frowns. Apparently, that won’t work on Zayn the same way it always works on Harry. “You’ll get it next time you see me.”

 

Louis pouts even though he knows Zayn can’t him. “And when will that be?”

 

“Soon, bro,” Zayn says. Louis opens his mouth to speak but is interrupted by Phoebe calling his name from downstairs. He sighs, pressing his phone to his chest and opening the door to his room.

 

“M’coming Phoebs,”  he yells, bringing the phone back up to his ear and shoving his free hand in the pocket of his joggers as he makes his way back downstairs. “Sorry Zee, Phoebe called me for something, give me a minute.” He presses his phone back to his chest when he gets downstairs, walking into the living room and looking over towards Phoebe. “What do you need-” he pauses when he sees Zayn sitting beside her, glancing down at his phone before his thoughts catch up to him and he quickly hangs up.

 

“Told you it’d be soon,” Zayn tells him, standing up and pulling Louis into a hug. Louis hugs him back hesitantly before pulling back and staring at him, raising an eyebrow.

 

“You sneaky little shit,” he swears, the quickly covers his mouth when he sees Phoebe and Daisy point accusatory fingers at him. “I didn’t say that,” he quickly covers up, grabbing Zayn’s hand and pulling him upstairs to his room. He closes the door behind Zayn as soon as they’re in his room, making sure to lock it before sitting on his bed.

 

Zayn watches as he locks the door with raised eyebrows, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. “So? I’m waiting for you to tell me I’m the best friend you’ve ever had,” he says, smirking. Louis rolls his eyes and flips him off, laying back on his bed and staring back up at the ceiling.

 

“Not yet. What did you get me for my birthday?” he asks and Zayn scoffs, standing straight and sitting beside Louis.

 

“What? Is my presence not enough?”

 

“No, it’s not. What’d you get me?” Louis glances over at him and smiles slyly. “I know you got me something. You’ve known me for over three years now. You know not to show up on my birthday empty handed.”

 

“I came all the way here-”

 

“It’s an hour away.”

 

“-And this is the thank you I get.”

 

Louis doesn’t reply right away, staring at Zayn silently for a few seconds and pursing his lips. “Alright. Thank you for being here, Zayn.”

 

“Finally-”  


“Now where the fuck is my birthday present?” Louis asks again, propping himself on his elbows and raising an eyebrow. He didn’t care about the gift at this point and he knows Zayn can tell, but it was nice to just have him there to go back and forth with. Niall and Liam had both texted him happy birthday some time this morning and told him they’d have a gift for him when they all went back for work. Louis had left them with a simple thank you and then delved himself into the anxiousness of what Harry’s gift for him could be.

 

He hadn’t been home when the gift had arrived at his mum’s, which left him even more nervous about it. His mum wouldn’t tell him if Harry had dropped it off himself or if it had come through the mail. He tried texting Harry to ask if he’d been over, but it’s been hours since then and he hasn’t gotten a response yet. The longer time let on, the more nervous he got about that gift.

 

“Shouldn’t you be opening Harry’s first?” Zayn asks, grabbing the gift from the edge of the bed and handing it over to Louis. Louis grabs it and frowns, sitting up straight and tracing his finger over where he had accidentally ripped the paper. “It’s a gift, Louis. He didn’t poison it.”

 

“Yeah, but…” Louis bites his lips and stares down at it. “What if it’s like, something romantic? That’d be weird.”

 

Zayn shrugs. “Pretend one of your sisters took it if it is.”

 

Louis sighs, flipping Zayn off quickly before tearing at the wrapping paper slowly and uncovering the gift. He tosses the wrapping paper off onto the floor and stares down at what’s left in his hand. It’s a picture frame, a photo of him and Harry from earlier that year inside of it.

 

He frowns and swallows hard, staring down at it before standing up and setting it face down on his desk. He can already feel the tears welling up at the corner of his eyes, but he refuses to cry about this in front of Zayn again. He will not let Harry ruin his birthday.

 

There’s so many emotions running through his head that he can’t figure out if he should focus on trying not to cry or trying not to scream. At the moment it’s starting to feel like a mix of both and his head is starting to hurt at the pressure of it all.

 

“Louis?” Zayn says from behind him. Louis doesn’t respond, afraid his voice is going to give away his current state of being. He feels as though it’s September again and Harry’s breaking him down all over again. He doesn’t know what could have possibly convinced Harry that this would be a good idea, especially on his _birthday_ of all days. Had he thought that Louis would look at it and decide they should get back together? If that had been the case, Harry couldn’t have guessed farther from the truth.

 

Louis feels Zayn grab his shoulders before turning him around gently and hugging him tightly. Louis lets him, burying his face in his shoulder and crying silently. This wasn’t _fair._ Harry wasn’t allowed to do this to him on the one day he was supposed to be genuinely happy.

 

“You’re alright, Lou,” Zayn says softly, rubbing Louis’s back comfortingly. Louis forces himself to stop, biting his lip to keep causing any more of a scene. “Listen to me, alright? Don’t waste another breath or tear on him, it’s not worth it.”

 

Louis nods slowly and pulls out of the hug, wiping his eyes on his hoodie sleeve. “Can we go back downstairs?” he asks, looking down at his fingers. Zayn nods, wrapping his arm around Louis’s shoulder, unlocking the door and leading him out the bedroom.

 

His mum and Fizzy are sitting in the living room with the other girls when they get back downstairs, Jay giving him a look that Louis recognizes as the one that she always used to give him when Harry stayed with him. He frowns as her expression changes into a smile.

 

Him and Zayn both sit on the sofa he had been sitting on with Lottie earlier, ignoring his mother’s eyes and staring up at the TV. He knows exactly what she was thinking right now and he refuses to play into it. Sure, him and Zayn had...been messing around a bit, but it wasn’t anything _more_ than that. They were just friends. Friends with benefits, at the most.

 

He feels her eyes on him for another few minutes before he finally decides to stand up and end it. “Zee, do you want something to drink?” he asks, pulling Zayn up and pulling him into the kitchen before Zayn even has a chance to respond with yes or no. Louis’s never been one for waiting.

 

“You alright?” Zayn asks once they’re in the kitchen, raising an eyebrow. Louis shrugs, grabbing two beers from out of the fridge and sliding one across the counter towards Zayn.

 

“Fine,” Louis replies a bit too quickly for his liking, but it’ll have to do. He notices Zayn give him a confused look before shaking his head and sighing. Louis grabs the bottle opener from the drawer and walks towards Zayn, opening both of their bottles and sitting at the one of the stools. “If my mum tries to talk to you, ignore her.”

 

Zayn scoffs, taking a sip from his beer and rolling his eyes. “Why? She’s your mum, I can’t just ignore her.”

 

Louis frowns, glancing around the kitchen briefly before laying his eyes back on Zayn and lowering his voice. “She thinks we’re dating,” he whispers, and then sits back up. Zayn blinks and stays quiet for a minute, furrowing his brows.

 

“Why do you say that?”

 

“I know that look on her face. And as soon as we go back in there, one of my sister’s is going to ask me for help while she asks you to help her in the kitchen and interrogates you.”

 

“She’s known me for three years. Besides- We’re not dating,” Zayn reminds him. Louis shrugs, standing up and starting to head back to the living room.

 

“I tried to warn you,” Louis says, walking back to the living room and sighing knowingly when Daisy asks him to help her tie the bow on the back of her dress. He sits down on the sofa and tells her to stand in front of him so he can tie her bow, “Want me to fix your hair up for you, love?” he asks, smiling softly as she nods and goes up to her room to get her hair bows and brush.

 

Zayn comes back into the room only moments later, a blush faint on his cheeks as he sits down beside Louis. “You were right,” he admits, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.

 

Louis laughs and puts an arm over Zayn’s shoulders. “Told you so,” he says, smiling at Daisy when she comes back downstairs with her box of hair accessories. She sits on the floor in front of him and hands him her hair brush. He grabs it from her, brushing her hair back and humming softly. “What do you want, babe?”

 

Daisy opts for braids and Louis casually runs his fingers through her hair, parting it in three and starting a braid. He hears the sound of Zayn’s phone going off with the camera shutter sound beside him, to which he turns his head and raises an eyebrow.

 

“Louis Tomlinson braiding his sister’s hair, a sight I never thought I see,” Zayn says in what’s meant to be a teasing tone, but the soft smile on his face gives off endearment. Louis blushes softly, realizing he’s never done this in front of any of the boys besides Harry before.

 

“I’m full of surprise,” he replies, focusing back on Daisy’s hair. He pokes his tongue out in concentration, pretending he can’t feel Zayn’s eyes on him or hear the shutter sound on his phone. He knows Zayn and he knows he’d never use those pictures against him maliciously, not that he really could. What’s the worst that could happen with pictures of him doing his sister’s hair?

 

Louis holds a hand out to Daisy for a hair tie, smiling softly and wrapping it around the end of her hair. He hands back the hair brush and lets her stand up, grinning when she turns and hugs him before running off to go find Phoebe.

 

“You’re a good brother,” Zayn says after a few minutes of silence has passed. Louis glances over at him and bites his lip, readjusting himself on the sofa so his feet are tucked under him. The brightside to it being his birthday was that his mum wouldn’t harass him to wear anything other than a hoodie and a pair of joggers. That might change later when they have to take pictures in front of the cake that Louis insisted she didn’t need to make him. She had told him she wouldn’t make him one, but Louis already noticed the mixing bowls newly cleaned and the new bag of flour already opened. He shouldn’t be surprised, this has happened every year since he turned eighteen and left for X-Factor.

 

“What, because I braided my sister’s hair?” Louis questions, adding a slight scoff at the end of the sentence. Zayn rolls his eyes and shoves his shoulder.

 

“No, because you care about them more than you care about yourself. You can tell off as many people as you want, you’re the softest person in the world.”

 

Louis rolls his eyes, but he feels the blush creep back on his cheeks. If that had been anyone else telling him that, he would’ve had a fifteen minute defense on how he wasn’t _soft._ Only, this was Zayn, so all he was going to do was discreetly flip him off and roll his eyes.

 

Zayn laughs and pushes his hand away. “Take the compliment, Louis,” he tells him. Louis smirks, putting his eyes back on the tv before moving and resting his head on Zayn’s shoulder. He feels Zayn’s fingers threading through his hair while they watch whatever movie the girls had put on earlier, most likely something Louis had originally protested to watching but eventually gave in.

 

“I didn’t say anything,” Louis says softly in a sing song tone, grinning. This time it’s Zayn the rolls his eyes, but he keeps his hand going through Louis’s hair. Louis enjoys the feeling so he doesn’t say anything, trailing his fingers on Zayn’s thigh and feigning interest in whatever was on. “How long are you staying?” he asks without taking his eyes off the screen.

 

Zayn looks down at him and shrugs, careful not to disturb where Louis had his head rested. “Don’t know. How long do you want me to stay?”

 

“Well, we’ve got filming in London after the holidays, and I’ve got skiing with Eleanor after New Years, so I think you should stay forever,” Louis says, smiling. “Or you know, until New Years. Unless you have plans with your family before we go back to London, because I get it. I don’t think I’m hosting a party this year for New Years either and you’ll probably want to go out, so if you don’t want to stay-”

 

“Louis,” Zayn interrupts, capturing Louis’s attention away from the screen. “I’d really like to stay with you until New Years. My mum might complain a bit, but I was gonna go back to my place after this anyways. Besides, I’d rather sit with you, chinese food and have a smoke rather than go out.”

 

Louis just stares up at him, trying to find a trace of sarcasm in his voice. Zayn’s being genuine, though, and it means so much to Louis that he would sacrifice his own New Years to make sure Louis wasn’t alone.

 

He bites his lip and looks back at the television screen, smiling softly and switches to tracing patterns on Zayn’s thigh. There was always that saying, “whoever you spend New Year's with is the person who’ll stay in your life through the New Year.”  With the way things had been for the past few months, Louis could only hope he’d have Zayn through his side all of the next year, and ideally the rest of his life as well.

 

2014 would be a better year.

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr is [here](pointstohome.tumblr.com)


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